i should really stop mentioning my sleepiness in these posts, but im Tired. and i need it to STOP !!!!

probz gonna be a shorter blog post. just wanna update the site with SOMETHING of substance. which i guess idk if a blog post counts as something of substance, but oh well, better than nothing in my eyes. and seeing the 'last updated' hours go up makes me Sooo sad so

sports bra came in the mail yesterday !! sooo happy to get one thats a) not so stretched out it just Doesnt. Work. and b) that actually fits ! rollerskated earlier and Omg i get the sports bra hype. I Understand Now!! never wanna wear normal bra again Ngl. whatever its fine, still more supportive.

still feels weird to be Essentially Shirtless at home tho. oh well ill probz get used to it

got my mom to line the inside of my bag last night. got so angry and frustrated and upset about sewing. and i dont even like how it looks with the lining. debating ripping it all out. but maybe i just need to wait

today was a silly day honestly. didnt feel real thru most of it. and now im just tired and i want to sleep and i want to not be plagued with the most strange unusual dreams ever

im gonna copy and paste my last dream i remmeber into here from me telling it to Panini bahaha

"had a dream where the guy at work was at a public library and was handing iut little bits of paper with links on them / and [PANINI] put it into [THEIR] computer and it showed a new method of pregnancy where conception began in your mourh / and then it actually contained some sort of malware because then [THEIR] computer wrntnCrazy and just glitched the rest of fhe time / and we called a repair guy and he actually went Insane when we rold him what happwned"

and it was so weird. actually so weird. and so annoying. i keep having the MOST WEIRDEST dreams involving pregnancy and it is so weird and i need it to stop

legit had a nightmare (idek if it was nightmare i just feel bad calling it a dream) where i got like. Raped. and it was so weird and awful and bad and i dont even know what caused it. havent even been taking benadryl lately. maybe my brain is still sick, even if the body has recovered. either way i need my brain to stop creating the most awful most disturbing scenarios for me to be in in my dreams. need sleep to be a time of rest and peace. not creating the worst memories ive ever crafted

been studying a lot more russian today ! spent like half of study hall just doing my Duolingo practice with toes, it was funny !

gonna see if anyone wants 2 Play Minecraft because now the body is tired but the brain is awake. dont want to go to bed this early eiter

hoping i sleep better today !! hopefully. anyways, love yall ! hope everyone is feeling ok out there, and hope everyone feels even better ASAP !!

post signature: i love neocities, i love how much everyone shares on here. i love it so much, i love reading and i love seeing and i love imagining. i love realizing and re-realizing over and over again how many individuals there are. i love reading all the writing !!!

wondering if i should make another blog page. this one is taking too long to update. there are too many words ! i've lived so much since i started. maybe i should start a new one. i dont know, might think about it later. still love this layout though, so maybe i just need to find a new way to format blog posts. we'll see ! if anyone has any Tips on making their blogs update faster PLEASE Let me know bc this html file is taking forever to save now ... :(

meant to blog like 3 times within the last week, but too tired to make big edits so just scrapped eveything i was writing

still sooo tired. recovered completely on like thursday but still was very tired. still tired now, but less so. awake enough to do stuff i like so thats nice !!

been crocheting a lot this weekend !! finishd all the granny squares, and stitched it all together. its now a bag shape yippee !!! currently tying up all the ends, and then i have 2 make a pocket, a little border to make it look cleaner, and the straps ! hopefully will be fun

im probably supposed to be studying right now. supposed to take a history test tomorrow i think, but dont really care honestly. history is my worst subject and i really really REALLY should be studying but i just dont care enough honestly. which is really bad, and i need 2 just force myself to do it, but i just Do Not Care. hopefully i can end up studying a little later in the day tho, bc otherwise im gonna do really bad on it. whatever, might just take my 70 and run with it

been really annoyed by everything lately. might be my period but Idk fam... just been so irritated and stuff. hope it gets better soon

Bestie is REALLY SICK Rn, worrying me a bit. hope they recover Asap !! or at least feel better as soon as possible. dont like when people are sick, brings a Bad Air to everything

went back 2 work on thursday and saturday, and they were both easy days, which was good. had a physics and spanish test on friday, and both went pretty bad honestly. hoping i did ok, but Idk fam !! def shouldve prepared more, but idk, i was really too tired so

realized i havent been listening to a lot of music lately, so decided i would listen to a lot today. currently listening to bad habits by goreshit

i really forgot how much i love breakcore. or i guess jungle ?? idk i really like atmospheric dnb i guess ???? idk i forgot the genres bahah

i am getting so annoyed of being tired. it just keeps getting worse too. been feeling like im gonna throw up a lot lately too. yesterday i got out of the shower (which i rushed) and immediately felt like i was gonan throw up. spent like 10 minutes in the bathroom trying to get stuff 2 come out just so i would stop feeling icky. ended up gagging a little and nothing came out, so i just laid in bed while i felt bad. ended up feeling better in like 30 minuets tho, which i was really happy about

anyways, i really want to stop feeling tired. all my bloodwork came back normal too. low end of everything, but normal. so idek whats wrong anymore. whatever. maybe this is just how Everyone feels all the time, and i need to just put my Big Girl Pants on and deal with it

wanting to buy some new clothes soon, but idk where to shop. UGHHHHH Why cant i just KNOW THINGS ??????

been watching a lot of jerma lately !! hes really funny, love his collabs with Ster, Vinny, and Poke. so Funny !!

gonna get back 2 working on my bag !! hopefully i can finish it today. so excited !!

ps also made a new button ! so if ur a fan of linking, its on the Main Page and the mepage ! i like this one a lot more, thank goodness. glad i finally went around to changing it haha !

pps: here's the completed bag !!

IM SO SO SO SOOO PROUD OF IT !!! Its a little small for my laptop, but i think it fits ! too scared to try it out bahah, dont want the straps to snap. also want to add a lining, but i dont have anything to line it with yet Soooo we'll just wait bahah! so happy about it though !! finally finished it after a couple weeks, and im so happy with it !! (sorry for bad picture, looks better irl i PROMISE bahah! )

been studying for history for the past hour. Bleh. hate history so much. think im gonna call it here though and just take my bad grade because i cant DO THIS RN..... whatever, gonna go work on crocheting some mopre haha !

been a while since i did anything for this site :( been SOOOO sick since friday evening

honestly started thursday night, bc that whole night i had SUCH A HARD TIME SLEEPING !! i was so hot then so cold and i kept waking up and sweating and i would move in my bed and the place i was before would be RADIATING HEAT. it was so bad. friday morning i still felt bad bt i had a lot to do at school so it didnt rkly matter. had a lot of trouble thinking straight tho, and i kept feeling worse and worse all day. ended up getting an awful cough during last period, but i decided the schoolday was almost done so i just pushed thru

then after school i went 2 cafe with panini and toes bc i had a Lottt to study. but as soon as i got there everything started Hurting and i was also rly hot and just started feeling super awful. so i went home and decided to call sick to work bc i knew i would not be able to go the next day, and they were super sweet abt it !

and boy was i right. saturday was sooo bad. i literally spent most of the day sleeping or covered in blankets shivering. i ended up feeling better in the afternoon, but that only lasted for 2 hrs. right after tyhat i felt EVEN WORSE Than before, and ended up having another awful night. slept with a wet paper towel on my forehead all night :(

sunday was probably the worst though. i had THE WORST SORE THROAT EVER and its still kinda here but its a lot better. i basically just spent the entire day sleeping again, and then just a little couch time bc i needed some sunlight. ate some chicken broth and raspberries

thank GOD today i am feeling a ton better. still congested and sore throaty, but i should be ready to go back to school tomorrow. which is REALLLYYY annoying but i have a lot of stuff i need to work on with all these tests and stuff this week, so id rather not have to make up anything

gonna try and keep resting. maybe work on some schoolwork but the only thing i feel like i have energy for is sleeping still :(

i didnt end up doing anything i enjoyd yesterday, and i was right about today. got home 30 minutes ago and sat with my dog while my dad called and lectured me. fine, but im kinda annoyed now. been annoyed all day honestly. my sister was being annoying in the morning, then school was bad as usual. during lunch i was telling my Friend how tired ive always been and they were rying to help me find solutions but it was like. All stuff that ive either tried before and it didnt work or stuff that would just take too long Or ruin my current schedules

and i know they emant well, but i just couldnt help but feel a bit Annoyed. i wish i could explain how i felt better. bexause i am tired, i know that much. but its not quite right. like i know i Am tired, and i know all i want to do is rest, but what if this is just how people always feel ? they brought up the question about if how i feel everyday is just how everyone feels all the time, and that thought made me want to go insane. if i have to spend the rest of my life feeling like all i want to do is crawl into bed, i honestly dont know how long i could take it.

i just wish i were better at describing things. because right now, my descriptive writing is absolute poopoo and it makes me so upset. honestly just my writing in general is kinda bad. want to work on it more but i know i wont. wish i could do stuff i wanted to without feeling like it was too much work.

kinda hungry but theres nothing in the house i want to eat. like at all. and im so annoyed about it. i wish my mom would cook. or even not just cook, btu just have meals like. somewhere in the house that i can make and that are filling and nutritious. because right now my options are sandwich (i eat one everyday so this is Not th choice i want to go with..), some frozen potstickers i can cook up (bad choice nutritionally, also take too long ngl), some probably stale rice and beef, and a salad (already ate one yestetday and i like changes in my meals). and i know all of these problems are just SOOOO surface level and so Stupid to be complaining about, but idk im still annoyed, and its not helping with my overall mood. i can be quite the Hangry Gal...

so stressed about school too. have soo many quizzes and tests this week and next, they make me want to claw my eyes out. hoping i dont get so stressed i do smth Bad but idk, i wonder how bad itll get. hope i can prepare over the weekend, btu i doubt i will want 2 do ANY studying on the weekend. its so stupid i go to school for 40 hrs a week and still ahve to do hw and stuff on weekends. And do my own jobs and stuff. ugh, i wish i could just do the stuff i wanted :( also just wish i would stop COMPLAINING Honestlu !! What is even wrong with me these are such stupid issues !!

moving on, Omg i understand people who Do use neocities as a social media ngl ! never really Chatted or talked 2 people thru neocities chat functions, but OMG ITS SO FUN !!! what on earth !??! still kinda stressful but Idk still so cool ! probs wont be doing anymore of that though, makes me worried bahaha.

gonna try and calm down a bit. hopefully eat. might just sleep tho :(

exhausted. i think i start every blog post talking about how tired i am. i realize that if i stopped making it such a big deal/ taljing about how tired i am every chance i would get i would probably feel at least a bit better, but it just makes me feel like im lying. i fele like being tired is such a big part of me right now. everything i dont do can be chalked up to the fact that im tired, and it makes me look incapable. hope i get over this soon

want my neocities neighbors to update more !! get so sad looking at websites that havent been updated in a few days. and i know that thats definitely normal, but it still makes me sad. Esp about my irls...... YOU GUYS HAVENT UPDATED ANYTHING REAL IN LIKE A WEEK..... Pls i miss reading y'all's blogs :( but anyways, wishing that more people updated regualrly ! although i definitely understand why someone wouldnt. eitehr way, i love seeing all my neighbors' updates and posts and stuff ! ALSO HAPPY LATE BDAY UA, WISHING YOU THE BEST YEAR EVER !!!

moving on to a more Unhappy topic, ive been really annoyed and irritated at like everything lately. also unnaturally worried. like im normally pretty stressed out, but this week has been like. Bad. and just been getting irritated at the stupidest things. ugh. also just been talking at all the wrong tims and saying the wrong things. nothing i create has been coming out right. i havent been proud of anything lately

didnt really do anything today. which is really unfortunate, seeing as how i probably wont do anything tomorrow. or thursday. maybe even friday if work gets bad enough. the girl i was talking to last saturday is working thursday, and saturday again. i hope i can talk to her again, maybe about smth actually important. i hope i made a good impression, she seemed really nice.

need to order some stationary for a gift exchange and a friend. really want this one pencil, but its like $14 and my order is already 40 dollars as is.

its this one, the uni kuru toga roulette in silver. this pencil has a rotating mechanism that rotates the pencil about every 40 or so strokes if i remember correctly, and i really want one because i hateee when my pencils dull down. the cheaper one, normal color and build, is like $7. still expensive, but less. but this one is metal, and i really like heavier pencils. but again, $14. and i just bought a lot of stuff like 2 weeks ago. so wondering if ill get it or not, leaning towards not :(

the scarf i was working on broke !! the yarn like snagged or smth and started ripping apart, and i only noticed this morning :( so unfortunate, and i thijnk its a problem with the yarn i was using bc when i was unraveling the scarf it kept snapping too, which is SO unfortunate !! esp bc it was my favorite colors. im so sad about it

starting to get really nervous about summer. i know i dog on school a LOT but im starting to realize my summers might be busier. im probably gonna be working more, and probably doing more comm serv too, to build up my resume or whatever. plus i ahve to start learning how to drive (i am so scared), and i have 2 do some summer classes to get a free period next school year. i feel like im gonna be more stressed in summer right now. because at least now, i can say school is making me tired. in summer im just gonna be tired, without anything to blame it on. ugh. i dont wanna have to do stuff !!!

i hate having to work, but i cant imagine not having a job. thursday is gonna mark my 2nd yr anniversary of having a job, and im so not pumped about it. whatever, im making money. i have a retirement account. i hope i can live an enjoyable life

alright, gonna try and do some stuff i want to, hopefully. might just end up sleeping though. and sorry for the longer blog posts lol ! guess ive just had a lot to say

goodbye and have a great day ! sending lots of love out !!

feeling insanely better !! still tired but what else is new. my body doesnt ache anymore, and i can do all of the things i like again. yay !

feeling bad abt some stuff though. realized i actually really Do like how i look (Yippee !), i just dont like how Other people see me/ how i act/ what i do/ some other things. realized i can only get what i want by Doing stuff, but i dont wnat 2 do The Stuff BAHA ! wish stuff were easier, but i bet the satisfaction of achieving what i want must feel so good.

wish there was more time in a week to do stuff. been Relapsing into my youtube shorts addiction..... Yikes. need 2 do what i was doing before and consciously stop myself watching shorts but tehyre so Stupid and such an easy thing to turn to. but just wish i had more time because now i go to school, go to work, and get home, where the only thing i want to do is rest. i wish i had more energy, more drive or anything honestly. cant even get the motivation to do hw anymore, which is Kindaaa a big issue lol

working on a crochet project thats Actually for myself and it has me SOOOO EXCITED !!! been wanting 2 make myself a tote bag for so logn and found some tutorials for some sunburst granny square bags, so im making my own ! the square itself is like a sunflower, and i think its super adorable. just taking me so long to do and i dont have enough Jerma streams 2 keep myself occupied lol

wishing i would just wake up one day with energy and motivation. wishing one day everything would just get easier, and wishing i could wake up without dreading the day ahead. i need to find the good in things, but its just so hard !! maybe i should set more daily goals for myself. idk. been wanting to get stronger, mentally and physically, so maube its a good idea

would [robably also help me feel less tired, which is like enemy number one for me rn ): wish i could wake up without wanting to go right back 2 bed, out of necessity more than want. getting harder to stay up oast 9 pm

oh well. Longer blog post than normal. lets see... acrtual life updates!

- go a 98.6% on a math quiz !

- b on history paper..

- met a new girl at work ! she seems super sweet and i hope she works there more. wanna end up talkign to her more and asking for some advice on the Future

- work getting less stressful which is nice

- school getting harder and more annoying

- feeling more like a crochet girly !

- getting harder 2 stay alive @ school

- days keep getting shorter and i keep losing track of time and memory

ok thats enough complaining for now haha. gonna keep working on my bag, toodles and have a great day !

feeling ill. went home early from school because i felt Wayy too lightheaded and i honestly needed a quick little break. but now i just feel really sick so im glad i did that

my mom convinced me to stay home from work, and i still feel bad but im so glad she did. i have a lot to get done today, and without that i think i wouldve just been too stressed to do any of it

have 2 study for an english test, and need to finish my math hw, but did a lot so far that im glad about. feeling a little more prepared for the test tomorrow but Idk still very worried

gonna try and keep studying. going to work Hard until 7 pm and then ill rest for the day. hope i can get enough done before then.

stil oh so eepy sleepy. went to the doctor abt it and they essentially told me i need 2 Exercise more. which is probably true, but i feel like theres no way ive been this tired for this long and the only thing that would fix it is exercise. maybe but it feels insane

a girl in my grade who ive Disliked for a longg time has started Crocheting and i feel So angry abt it. i shouldnt even care but she started eating lunch in the same place me andmy friends have been for the past like 3 months for liek No reason and she like 'took" (not actually but it feels like it) my hobby and im SEETHING ABOUT IT. i hope she loses interest in it in 2 days

school has been getting so much worse. cant even focus and the days feel so long. was thinkign about only working 2 days a week at this job but that just feels stupid now. so i guess im stuck like this for a while

engaging in more bad habits. my mom saw my arms this morning, and it was a brief but meaningful anger spike from her. which makes sense but it doesnt make oy any bettr. lso Another thing but i feel stupid abt talking abt it here. And i dont want my #Irlzies knowing abt it. whatever

really want to work on my next scarf bc its essentially both of my favorite colors striped !! it amkes me very happy to look at

gonna try and crochet for a bit. might watch some jerma. kinda just want to sleep though

yall are neverrr gonna guess how i feel right now: Tired. again and again, day in and day out, thats the one thing i can count on to be the same

anyways, some new things def happened recently !

started playing minecraft again !

become a veryyy slow crocheter...

YETSERDAY PANINI BROUGHT ME A BEV AT WORK IT WAS SOOOOO NICE OF THEM OMG !!

also i guess started being more Normal at work ?? Idk i feel more normalcore there now, a little less out of place which is nice

been a wild week tho baha. didnt really do all that much, but at least there was so real school so that was nice. sooo not looking forward to tomorrow tho. i actually hate school soo much. Like i never want to go. Ever.... im so upset i have 2 go to school for so much longer

and i know its a good thing that i Can go 2 school but its SOOOO ANNOYIG OMG.... legit been considering being a Stay At Home mom when im older just so i dont have 2 do like WorkWork when im older. even tho i know just how taxing being a parent is

i just dont get how people can work so well for so long. like the one guy @ work. he works like 6 days a week and still seems pretty normal its Bonkers idk how he can do it. wondering if i shjould ask for his Anti-sleepy Secret BAHAHA

anwyays, wanna try and finish this scarf todat bc the yarn is too big to bring to school but i dont think ill be able to. ive been very slow @ crocheting recently and it makes me Siper sad... been watchinf more jerma lately tho so thats fun !

see yall and have a great rest of your day and a lovely sleep !

SOOOOOO TIREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD OMG......... i just wanna feel Awake for once. legit got up like 2 hours ago and still feel like i need 2 go 2 bed asap... eyelids r sooo ehavy and my body is just sore (Idk why...)

school yesterday felt like an eternity. it was like a Fine Arts Day or whatever and we did SO MUCH and i felt so tired at the end..

ended up crocheting thru my Hair Braiding WOrkshop (????) and some teacher just walked up 2 me and started talking. and then she said 'so are you form II?' and i had 2 tell her No and she was like Omg ur so Mature ! it was annoying

honestly i just think that adults forgot what they were like when they were teens. bc genuineky i am No more mature than any of the people in my advisory, im just quieter. which is maybe all they mean, idk

also got 2 see one of my Besties perform their dance show !!!! super cool and i WISH they realized hpw GOOD THEI DANCES WERE Bc they keep telling me they Did not like them :( Toezies if ur reading this yall were LEGIT SO GOOD STOP UNDERESTIMATING URSELF !!!

also had work yesterday which was tiring but ok. except for the After Work Tasks which mine was 2 take out the trash which was like fine until i had 2 GO OUT INTO THE ALLEY IN THE DARK....... IT WAS SO SCARY. I NEVER WANNA DO THAT AGAIN..... EVEN WITH THE OTHER GUY THERE WALKING W/ ME I WAS TERRIFIED...... Hope i never have 2 do That agin !!!!

anyways, i wanna crochet another scarf Rn. gave the last one i finished yesterday 2 a girl in my advisory and she liked it a lot ! was very happy abt that, hope she wears it and Actually likes it :)

alrighty gonna go 4 now, byebye !

{Warning 4 heavier stuff than normal here} - oh so tired once again. ended up having to go to school, and work yesterday too. so tired.

started another scarf ! its a nice striped one with a light pink and a darker magenta. at school a girl in my advisory offered to buy it so i wanna finish it fast and get it 2 her quickly ! might make another one bc its Sooo easy and i really like how its turning out.

ended up. Erm. going back to some Old habits last night :( dont even really know why. i wasnt even that sad, i just felt like i deserved it. hate the aftermath honestly. hate having to wear longsleeves, even though it is cold outside. like rolling up my sweater sleeves and i cant do that anymore. the sleeves also just hurt. dunno why, the scratches normally only burn in the shower the day after. fabric normally doesnt do anything. maybe i didnt go deep enough or smth. for some reason i couldnt get them to bleed like at all

also ended up back on made of styrofoam last night. needed to feel worse and that space always makes me feel bad. started wondering how much i could get an Actual tool for. also pondered cleaning up some old hair scissors i had, but decided against it bc of how much rust was on it

i dont think ill ever get an actual tool though. which is kinda annoying, but i guess good. im too scared of sepsis and tetanus and all that stuff so..

anyways, gonna get back 2 crocheting. eyes are sooo heavy though. need to find a good way to stay awake :(

have a lovely rest of your day, and sleep well !

ps, finished my handwarmers !! still wanna add trim tho, might post a pic when i do that !

YAHOO ITS SNOWING TODAY !!! sooo happy about that Omg. today was gonna be off of school anyways bc of mlk day but im even HAPPIER Bc i think tomorrow will be off too Probably. and that means ill only have 2 go 2 school one day this week yaya !!!

finished another scarf! its like different shades of pink and im a big fan :) gotta update my crochet page Bahaha

been SUCH A JERMA FAN These past couple of days. specifically his elden ring streams. Hes so funny !

ermmmm idk what else to say. hopefully ill edit this later, see u !

actually exhuasted all the timeeee. havent gotten better since last entry. last few days ive been waking up at 1am and going back to ebd at like 4. dunno why either. all i know is im so so so tired all the time. luckily this is a long weekend, and im not really doing anything. i really hope we have a snow day next week. ugh. sooo tired.

wanting to crochet SO MUCH But i legit dont kwo what to watch while i crochet. if anyone is a Big Show Fan pls let me know of some good ones. very desperate at this point

whatever. ill update later. in english rn and i should probz b working :( byw bye for now..

update (now 9:11pm Baha) !

still tired but better now. got some MORE yarn :) its in one of my all time FAVE colors too ! hopefully i can make something i enjoy out of it. got like 2 skeins of each color i like cuz they were only 3 dollars (and a pretty decent amount of yarn) so it should b enough for a while !

been kinda a bad day besides that though. feel like im becoming more and more distant like my best friends. and im not rly pushing anything, which i guess makes me part of hthe problem too but oh well :( worried though. theyve been my best friends for the past couple yrs and dont wanna lose them.

sooo tired though ngl. literallt dunno how people function normally. because ive been so, so, so sleepy for so long. i cant imagine working 5 full days a week dude ... omg. sounds absolutely horrendous.

this one guy at theplace i work is there 6 days a week, about 4/5 hours every day. it sounds SO miserable but he seems so normal. so either hes just rly good at faking or most people dont feel the way i do

oh well. gonna try and get some good sleep tonight. might crochet adn play some videogame before bed... my entire body feels hevay, wonder if i can even do my writing today before bed

good night, best wishes, and good luck !

been sooo tired lately. i wake up in the morning and my eyes feel so so so heavy already. at school im fallign asleep in classes (not literally, but gosh i want to), and i cant tell if its due to boredom or exhuastion. either way its no fun at all, and i havent felt 'good' in so long :(

need to check if im working tomorrow or not. i hope that im not (and it didnt look like i was last time i checked...) but idek anymore. i wish working made me feel fulfilled. or, in reality, i wish anything made me feel fulfilled. eh, next week should be fine. theres no Real school, its a retreat week. which is kinda worse, ngl..

luckily monday is off of school anyways, but tuesday is just a social impact day (which is fine) and wednesday is just an exhibition of all the fine arts our school has to offer. which is gonna be annoying, esp if we're just walking around with our advisories...

and then thursday and friday is the ACTUAL retreat where we're going to some campsite for some Advisory Bonding !!! Yippee.... not rly tho. heard a lot of bad things abt this campsite (like roaches, cricket infestation, etc etc...) and the trip in general. convinved my mom not to go and i hope she doesnt change her mind Bahaha

alsooo finished my first scarf a couple days ago !!

it looks better in person, but here's the basis of it :) very proud of it ! looks and feels like a real scarf, so glad i added the fringe haha. very proud of it, and excited for the next one im workign on !

also my new statioanry came Yay!!

already started using the planner, might post a pic later. Rly enjoy decorating the pages, gonna buy some more stickers and stuff 2 decorate with :) i feel so BULLET JOURNAL GIRLY CORE And its so fun so hopeully will keep doing it !

and thats all for now folks ! have a great rest of your day and best wishes !

work today sucked so much. came home and laid in bed for two hours and just felt awful. like that one image where the guy says 'when the shift so bad u gotta sit in silence'

lots of the other people who work there came in late. made me worried.

had 2 little 5/6 yr olds with me to start, and this one older girl that i Adore shes very nice. but these kids were a struggle. and i feel so bad for them. the younger girl had her first time at the math center today and halfway through she started crying. she also kept saying her hand hurt and crying afterwards and i didnt know what to do. then the older young boy was just being dispruptive and not doing his work at all. which i undersyand but also oh my goodness it was so stressful.

and then this girl who was Supposed to sit at my table started crying right after she got told she was sitting with me. wanted to scream and cry but couldnt.

almost threw up at like 12:50. felt the saliva rising in my mouth. didnt want 2 go to the bathroom, felt awful. i didnt though. it was ok

also had the worst fit ever. i always look frumpy and old and stupid but something about today was so much worse. i need to find better clothes. or just fix how they look on me

also felt awful for the other peiple working there. i hate being so incompetent and bad at everything i do there. the main center leader guy stopped me while we were doing teh closing things and asked about how the first hour went (with all the young Crying children..) and i said it was ok. he was nice about it though. i hope we keep being cordial bc i need some advice and idk any other people who have enough life experience that arent involved in my personal life at all. but he was nice abt me being Awful at my job, which was nice of him. i still feel awful though

also forgot to put my schedule in for next week until it was already completed. so.. dont have work enxt week maybe. which is probably a good thing, need to bring my grades up anyhow

feel pretty shitty. started crying out of nowhere today. eaten foods that r probably awful for me but idk. i feel pretty awful so maybe its fitting. the one good thing is my laptop is fixed now tho Yay ! doesnt crash as soon as i open file explorer which is epic

been listening to an awful lot of music lately. first is 'how to dress as human' by osno1 (laura les ) and then lost kitten by metric. big fan of both. both make me really sad. wonder if my period's coming.

hoepfully i feel better tomorrow. i need to rest before the school week starts so i dont throw up in class on monday. been feeling awfully nauseous everyday. wonder why.

anyways, wishing the best for all ! see you soon !

been really annoyed at my laptop lately. its been SO SLOW and laggy its insufferable. and ive already tried so many things to get it back to normal. and none of them have really worked for more than 30 minutes. hopefully its enough time to write this entry bahaha!

ordered soem more stationary for the new year !!! got myself an AWESOME planner, will make a post abt it when it comes in. also got a few pens and pencils for me and some friends. lost my favorite pen a while back so bought myself 2 of them, one for school and one for planner use. hopefully gonna use the planner to write about my day to day, i think that would be really fun. or i guess it HAS been. just need 2 remember everything i do haha. so excited for when my stationary comes in tho. should be... monday i think, which is SUPER cool !!

school this week has been exhausting. like i know school is NORMALLY exhausting, but smth about this week in particular has been reallyyy bad. idk. maybe i just need to get back into the swing of things.

need 2 talk to and meet up with my friends more, but im always so tired :( been wondering if taking vitamins would be worth the extra energy ill supposedly get

back to my planner thing: wondering if i should make a neocities page and photograph all my daily planner things in there. but idk if ill be able to get like... good pictures and stuff. idk, it would motivate me to put more time and effort into a planner that people besides me would see. idk, we'll see later.

almost done with my double crochet scarf ! will hopefully put a pic here when its done. all i need to do is add some fringe and itll be all complete !

also bought some more yarn today. 6 skeins for 22 dollars it was CRAZY !!! esp cuz theyre all so prettyyy

been listening to laura les's 'how to dress as human' a lot lately. even though im positive i was born as the me i want to be, the song still hits so hard. i cant imagine how much it must hurt as a trans person. as always, wishing all the best and lots of love

HAPPY NEW YEARS U GUYS !!!! 2024 is in like 34 minutes for me and GOLLY i am ready. im hoping this year will be AMAZING !!! honestly 2023 wasnt that bad. overall i think ive really grown into myself and become more of a person i think.

i did some actual big things, like getting a real job, and then learning about neocities and making this page. then theres some more personal things !! been in a better mood a lot the latter half of this yr. Started using discord. STOPPED USING DISCORD........ so glad abt that. succeeded in my goal of writing for the whole yr !! gotten pretty good grades. havent been as nervous as last year. connected a ton more with my Bestest friends. making some new friends that ill Hopefully get even beter friends with !!

of course theres a lot of awful things that happened too, but im personally ending the year on a pretty good note. hoping that next year i can get accomplish even more. i really want to work on myself, physically and mentally. i want to go on walks a lot more, i want to crochet a lot more. i wnat to stop being so online (even if one of my main hobbies is coding BAHA ) and i want to socially push myself. i also want to start wearing more clothes that i really enjoy, but thats gonna take a LOT i think haha. im really hoping that this year i get more confident though. i can tell how much ive grown through 2023 in that regard, vbut i really want to enjoy my last few teen years, and i really need to be more confident to do that.

overallm, im hopinh that 2024 will be even better than 2023. wishing all of you the best and lots of love !

hard to believe 2024 is in like 3 days. ugh i do not want school to start back up again.... not ready for ANY of it !! not ready to get my paper bak, not ready to see that math test, not ready for any of it at all. whatever, just gotta enjoy the rest iof the break !!

panini's comong over soon Yippee !! idk what we'll do but im probz just gonna keep Grinding that Genshin BAHAHAH ! its actually so bad how much im enjoying this game rn. legit like.... awful. wanting to explore all the areas and make my girk the Best she can Be :)

also rly wanna make a new webpage just dedicated to all my fave videogame girls. bc theres a couple and i Rly Like Them (: so yeah might do that soon !

been rly cold... but my portishead sweater came in so thats fire !!! rn im wearing portishead sweater, sweatpants, Fave long socks, and blanket and still pretty cold baha

went 2 work yesterday, which was Ok. it was kinda slow but it was fine, still made me pretty sleepy tho. legit dunno how the main guy there can go in Every Day and be normalcore. i feel bad for him, i feel like i would b Miserable if i were in his place. idk, yesyrtday work was pretty ok tho. just there from like 3-5:30 so it was alright !

panty and stocking is getting a new season, and im kinda excoited but also... Idk. its gonna take a whole nother summer to watch BAHAHAH ! hopefully there gets to be even mor Fire tunes tho. legit that soundtrack is Soooooo good (except for a few.... Erm.......... Interesting ones.......) and idc how awful the titles r (:

alrighty ! gonna go fill up Water Bottle and wait 4 Friend, might update later but toodles for now !

today was super cool !! woke up pretty early and made a BANGER BREAKFAST which was Essentially toast, some turkey, avocado and a coffee! ! it was super yummy. but i avent rly eaten anything since them and im Super hungry ngl but i dont wanna eat while the Fam is downstairs. oh well

been obsessing over a m1dy song recently. Erm its called Tengu (by m1dy btw)which is like.... Yeah. i know breakcore and dnb and speedcore (honestly just loud type music) all have super interesting titles but Idk sometimes i rly dont like them. btu this song is just SO. GOOD. and ive been trying to find the song it samples for SO LONG and i havent found anything so thats annoying...

went 2 barnes and noble 2day with Io ! ended up ALSO Seeing toes (aka May) at that place which was SUPER COOL !!! super fun 2 meet up. wanna have a sleepover or smth soon bc havent seen them 2Gether in a while bahah

while we were at that barnes and noble some guy started yelling. like really loudly. and idk what he was talking about but the whole store went quiet while he yelled. it was so scary. first thought was Does he havea gun because Uhoh. second thought was SHould we leave? and we didnt leave, which im glad abt, but also that whole situation really scared me. ive never been in a situation where a man was so scary before, even though i never saw the guy who was yelling. i wonder what happened. a baby started crying while he was yelling. i was scared for the caretaker.

for all the fear and worry i have about men nothing has ever really happened to me arund them. which is definitely a stupid thing from me to be so against something ive never really witnessed. and i feel awful about it, i really do. yet something about them frightens me to an uhealthy extent. hearing men talk about their experiences as men dealing with the culture we have hurts me as well, but they still terrify me. even if i ubnderstand theyre suffering too, im still scared. i hope i end up getting better because i feel awful, and i want to connect an d undersyand and be normal. but it will be difficult, i can tell.

also been playing some more genshin ! which is an AWFUL thing to say bahah but its ok, i enjoy it :) navia is getting better and better by the day !! she did like 48k with her skill 2day which was CRAZY !!! anyways im gonna see if i can get the fam to leave the kitchen Bahah. see yall !

yesterday i read a lot of neocities criticism. or less of neocities itself (but therewas def some of that...) but of the people and the 'communities' on here. a lot of it was talking about how neocities is basically a stepping stone to bigger and better projects, and while that is def true, the fact that most people using this hosting platform will probably stop editing their sites within a year of the site's birth makes me super sad. i hope i can continue to work on my own website LONGG after its birthday, but idk. ive found myself not having a lot to do quite often, but luckily i always make something new or have a new idea to continue working. which im super glad about !! i hope my creative nergy and Ideas will never stop, bc this is genuinely one of my favorite things to do now.

i love seeing all these people's websites and all the things they make and talk about. looking through the sites i follow and reading their blogs and musings brings me so much... hmmm idk how i would describe it. i just really like being reminded of other people. i find myself often forgettign that other people Also think which is SOOOO stupid of me and i hope i grow out of it, but reading abt other people's experiences and thoughts and seeing what they like and do is very... I dont know. all im saying is i LOVE the people i follow and all yalls sites !!! everytime a SUPER AMAZING COOL site follows me i get so ecstatic just thinking thay someone who isb That Neat likes my site enough to follow !!

anyways, more abt what happened today. my cpusin came over and brought chinese food (Avg jewish christmas tradition Bahaha) which was pretty cool. my mummy also bought me a stanley cup to stay hydrated (its prettyv cute, a nice forest green and its SO easy 2 drink !) and some cold brew and i really like it !! i make some choco cream and put it on top and its Amazinggg omg ! other than that i didnt do all that much today. still been grinding for navia, but i havent had much time today. might watch some Jerma and just grind bahah !

anyways, i hope everyone who reads this and Everyone in general will have the BEST day today and tomorrow !! hope things go well for everyone, or as good as they can. hugs all around !!

currently 12:50 am but Omg. I Got The Girl. I GOT NAVIA !!!!! I WAS SOOOOO HAPPY PMG i got enough for a ten pull and i PULLED and it was GOLD and i GOT HER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In al her steampunk lolita type beat glory i Got her ogm. So excited 2 play her cuz shes sp fun 2 use !!! hoping i get good artifact luck bc i forgot how Tedious and annoying it was BAHA

also spent most of the day with my cousin, who came in for a few days. he and his wife had a Baby like a year ago and it was like my first or second time seeing him, which was pretty cool. we went 2 the park and then 2 target, was a fun day !!

will probz update later and i KNOW i always say that but im getting so Sleepy rn baha... see u !

been going back to a lot of things i used to like a lot. been watching a lot of jerma BAHAHA. he makes me want 2 get house flipper 2. i hope it releases on switch soon

also been playing a lot of genshin impact lately ????? Like. A Lot. Like an embarassingly long time ive spent just playing genshin impact. a new girl just released and i REALLY LIKE HER and i Really Want Her. im praying and hoping that i get her bc shes GORGEOUS !!! like her fit and everything r just sooo cool. she has a PARASOL and her whole fit reminds me of steampunk lolita a little bit, although its DEF NOT haha. her hair is also gorg and she seems super fun to play. been grinding a bunch to hopefully get her but it hasnt been going well... but itll be ok, i still have a couple weeks to try :)

been keeping up crocheting, but tunisian crochet is kicking my butt. hoping to go somewhere with Friend v soon. the work dinner that i was invited to is today, and its making me nervous. hoping i can forget about it soon

me and friend rollerskated in a garage a couple days ago !!! it was so much fun, and one of the first times ive been skating outside. i really like it, but finding smooth surfaces is harder than youd think haha

welp thats all for now ! been wanting to make an entry but didnt want to do the writing, so glad i got aroudn to it. toodles !

been a while since the last post. some quick updates :
got told some uncomfy stuff. realized i need to pay more attention to others and i need to do my best. glad im trusted enough
spent a lot of time doing stuff i like ! almost done with my blanket and working on a nice scarf
HAVE AN A+ IN PHYSICS !!!!!!
was with friend while they felt super sick :( felt super bad
my mum bought me a portihsead sweater !
been worrying about work and the people there a lot

circling back to current rn. i have to rsvp to some work dinner that i super dont want to go to. or not super but i just know i wont enjoy it and itd just be stressful. ive never really liked formal outings or big plans or anything, and that is definitely something that would stress me out a lot. but i also think it would be a cool experience. except i know id probably get soooo sick before and after And probably during but because of how nervous i would be. idk. i probably wont be allowed to go honestly, and that would b fine. i think it wold be really anoying to me if i was a college kid and some 15 yr old showed up to a work dinner... and thats the case for most of the other people who work there so...

but oh well. ill feel that way about everything, so. idk if i should embrace it or just let it go. but anyways, ill update about that as it comes sooner. hopefully ill b working on this site a little more now since im on winter break whoop whoop !! very happy abt that ! see yall later for now !

today has been so great for a school day !! pe was fine (a bit boring) but it was ok. then i got TEA during advisory because i brought a kettle to school, yippee !!! then physics was ok too. kinda tiring but eh its physics. then, i had a CROCHEWT CLUB MEETING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! joined the club in like september but first meeting was today !! didnt rly do much but now i can donate stuff i make, which is super cool !! also got a free skein of yarn (its a gorgeous plum color. wish the label hadnt been thrown away...) and a free hook ! also its small enough to fit in my backpack so i can crochet at school now, yay !! working on a scarf with the plum right now, so its pretty easy to bring :)

and then in history (where i am right now !) we just talked abt stuff we did for hw and then blew bubbles !!! super fun and now i have gthe next 30 minutes to do whatever i want ! superb if you ask me, and i always find super cool neocities sites during history for some reason Bahaha. might go exploring...

been wanting to blog a lot lately but idk havent rly been in the writing mood. done a lot of crocheting and my blanket goes from my neck to my ankles now !! still have like 2 skeins to go thru but im almost done ! yay !!

figured out a Sticky situation that im glad i feel better abt now. (U can read more about that on the Nasty blog page...)

school's almost over 4 the year !! break starts on friday ans we have TWO WEEKS OFF YIPPEE !!! excited for that so much. gonna do Sooo much stuff hopefully :)

need to find something new to watch while i crochet. been listening 2 sad boyz podcast lately but idk been getting bored of it. pls give me any bingeable show suggestions if u can !!

and thats all for now. maybe ill update after work today, but we'll see. toodaloo for now !!

UGHGHHHHHHHHHH i didnt save this tab before i closed it. and my entire post before deleted..... UGH.... whatever. ill try and rewrite most of my ideas, but i assume stuff wont b as fleshed out as it was before because i DONT WANNA WRITE ALL THAT AGAIN...... gosh im annoyed

about the website: very happy with how its turning out !! added a couple new pages, but im upset the script on my main page isnt working. might have to ask a friend to help me with the code because i still dunno javascript....

been very upset with school and life lately. theres so much to do, but not even taht much, i just dont have the time or energy to do it. and its so upsetting to have to watch myself fall from such high standards because of simple exhaustion. and its gonna keep happening for the next... like.... idk 7 years ???? at least 3, which is absolutely awful. its such a pain, and idk how im gonan be able to keep it up in further years when im even more tired. oh well

back some fifteen minutes later. broke my streak and started scratching again last night. when i woke up and remembered, there was no blood, so i think thats a good sign. i dont know. i know its gonna get even worse soon but idk what to do. im just hoping school gets better again, and i started being motivated again. i need a break from everything, but i dont think ill get one for a long time honestly. might ask work about taking a good 2 weeks off but id feel about that. theyd probably start to think about firing me. probably 2nd time thinking about it. i dont know, i want them to think im capable but im just so tired. honestly i dont think im going to end up doing that. im just too nervous.

still so tired and idk what i need to do to fix it. oh well, see yall around !

lately ive been thinking a lot about growing up. more specifically what that comes with, and what i cant do anymore. for the longest time ive been constantly shifting between wanting to grow up as fast as i can, move out, be an adult, and staying a kid forever. of course i know that the last part cant ever truly happen, but ive still been thinking about it a lot. how much stuff you 'cant' do when you grow up, things yuou cant say, ways you cant act. theres also so much more thats expected of you, and so much more people can pile onto you. i know that all this is going to happen eventually, but i cant think about how old i am or anything about my future without having a sinking feeling in my stomach. i was at the park a few days ago, and some kids started talking to me. and they were so sweet and kind and adorable but i felt so aware of the parents watching me, how they side eyed me. how they probably didnt want me there, didnt want me in an area meant for kids half my age. and im not even that old yet.

i guess this also has to do with how old i look, which has been another worry of mine. ive always looked a couple years older than i am. not in an attractive-ness looking qay or any of that, but i fuess just matyrity ?? and i guess also having to do with how i act and what clothes i wear (nothing expected of a teenager btw. i wear Very older person looking clothes lol) and just generally how i carry myself i guess. i dont know, it just always makes me feel upset. i know its not a bad thing, and i know theres not really anything i can do about it, but it just upsets me to realize how much people expect of me. and i guess again a lot of that is from myself but whatever. i cant really fix any of this so.

ive also become increasingly aware of how much little time i have daily. most days i get home at 6:30-7:30, and with me going to bed around 8:30, that doesnt leave me much time to do... anything ! not studying, working on this site, crocheting, playing games. i dont have time for anything i want to do. and its not like i can go to bed later wihtout feeling the repercussionsin the morning, abd even now 8 pm is too late for me. it just sucks not having the time to do anything i really want, because even free time gets taken up by studying or homework.

oh well. today's rambles over. good night

good afternoon !! been playing even more splatoon lately lolol. these 2 people always ask me 2 play open anarchies with them (only clam blitz tho ?) and its been so much fun !!

ended up learning about a few new things tho. first, came across this musician called 'acidgvrl' on my youtube recommended. listened to a song or two, and set it aside. idk, it sounded really bland and soulless to me. still search3ed them up on spotofy tho, and OMG THERE WERE SO MANY SONGS ?!??? so many releases, single after single after single, with a decent number of albums. literally new songs posted every one or two days it was insane. then i loistened to a little more of their music, and realized just how like... ai generated it sounded ??? idk it was weird. so then i googled 'is acidgvrl real' anf... well the first thing that came uop was a reddit link. clicked on it, and it was just a post talking about acidgvrl's music in relation to sewerslvt's. id heard the sort of kind of resemblance, but the former's was wayyy too soulless to really remind me. and then i looked at the comments and omg. acidgvrl was in their just spewing Nonsense and Hate and Rage and jsut being overall strange and combarive. anyways, weired way to start the day if id ever seen one !

and then i looked up patrick tomlinson after the comment on my main page (ngl probz just gonna ignore it lol) and i just felt really really bad. idk anything about him, but gosh being stalked and targeted for years on end would irritate me to no end. id probably just die ngl. or at least fake my own death, that sounds so awful. i really wonder why epople are doing that; what could he have done that warrants that ?? im not gonna look it up because its probbaly just gonna make me feel sick, and i dont ever want to think that stalking and harming someone mentally (at least mentally... idk about the rest) is justified. if i keep thinking about it its probably going to go up on my hate page.

ive been thinking about renaming that page, because its kind of a bad way of naming it. but no word i know of is really right, so. might have to look into german or smth lolol. anyways, see you later !

good evening !! been a hot second since ive updated haha. not in a nothing's been happening way, but in a i havent rly had motivation to edit this site !! i dont really know what else to add, and just blogging daily has been getting kinda boring, and i dont even have that much to say lately. anyways ! handshake won the splatfest (only 18% of votes too...) and that was kinda upsetting but its ok !! been having lots of fun on splatoon lately (esp salmon run !) and acnh. been a big GAMER !!!

been also working on my CROCHETING !!!!!!!!!!! i dont remember if i taljed about it on here, but i started crocheting a bit ago !!! been working on a blanket and its going pretty well !! only have like 2/3/4 more rolls to get through before its done i think. very exciting !! getting pretty big and im very happening with how its turning out, especially for a first project :) . hmmmm lets see what else...

this whole week has been thanksgiving break !! i forget how boring and lame school during regular school time. of course, its still super lame during school, but when theres a break i just dont know how i survive !!! theres no time to do any of the things i like, and its so stressful. really not looking forward to next week. only good thing is christmas break is soon, but even thats gonna be too short this year. oh well, its too early to think about all that stuff. no use getting stressed about stuff thats a month away !

ive been wanting to do so much stfuf lately. i want to draw, to make music, to website, to crochet, to rollerskate, to talk, to bake, so mcuh stuff !!! unfortunately, ive only done a few of those hings. i really really wanna start to draw more. i really enjoy when i make things that i like, but unfortunately that doesnt happen often enough for me to keep moticated. i dont know, i guess i just have 2 practice ! anyways, see ya later !! hopefully i start updating more haha :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME !!!!!!!!!! i am now 15 i can Technically legally drive (NOT GONNA !!!!) and maybe legally work ???? IDK BUT ITS BEEN SUCH AN EPIC BDAY !!1!

woke up a Lil too early ngl but i just LOUNGED in bed and it was so EPIC CORE !!!!!!!!! and then i woke up and saw my Birthday balloons and was like Woah !! then i showered and changed and played animal crossing for a bit. and then i SAW. MY FAM BDAY GIFT AND I WAS LIKE OMG IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS ?!?!??! AND IT WAS !!!!!!!! MY MOM GOT ME LIKE. LEGIT THE PRETTIEST DOLL I THINK IVE EVER SEEN. VAMPIRE HEART DRACULA. AND I WAS SO EXCITED !!!!!!!!!!!

and then i went Rollerskating with friend after a BOMB breakfast (avocado toast with lox) which was super cool !!! then picked up OTHER friend and we dinnered (sushi... Yum !!!) and then we returned home and i got all my GIFTS OPENED !!!!!!!!!

you can look @ ALL THOSE if u want !!!! now im gonna go play some splatoon splatfest on team fistbump BYE BYE !!!!!!!!

Ugh. have not been doing so weel academically lately. got a histpory test back this morning that i got an 85 on, and i legit cant get more than an 80 on the math tets i just took. Yikes. killing myself. but other than that life has been going super swell !! i feel like my School Life and my normal life are kind of opposites; when i do good at school i tend to feel bad outside, and vice versa. oh well. life cant b all sunshine and rainbows i guess...

now onto the good things !
• school's basically done for a good while !!! my last class of the day today is tech theatre, which tends to be super fun. and then thanksgiving break, my first Real break since the end of september Lolz !!
• yesterday at work the Main Guy Person told me i was doing a good job Yippee !!!
• crocheting has been super fun !! working on the blanket and we r living and balling while working on it !!!
• splatfest today and this weekend !! and shiver and frye and big man amiibos released !
• hopefully getting back into switch gaming this weekend and next week !!

otjer than that: my birthday's coming up......... yikes. luckily im not working on it but also gosh darn im not a huge bday fan. they always make me kinda sad and bad stuff tends to happen around the time. Like one of my friends Basically supporting stuff that wants me dead..................... Yikes !!!! but its ok, we live and we ball. just 1 day so we can do it !!! its def gonna be such a sad birthday though. my parents dont have any gifts for me (everything ive asked for they Wont buy me lol), they dont have a cake or a party or anything. and in a way its basically my fault for not telling them, but i just dont know. i dont really want any of that stuff. kinda wish i didnt have a bday ngl Lolz.

alrighty !! that should be it for tdoay. ill update if smth happens later. Toodles !!

i am SO READY FOR NEXT WEEK..... thanksgiving break !!! and no work OR school and im so excited omg. other tahn that, life's been pretty cool !! i started crocheting and its been going pretty well !! working on a blanket and ill post a pic later

getting more nervous and worried abt israel v hamas. this girl in my grade just randomly said 'Omg did yall know starbucks supported the genocide ?!? and to think i got starbies this weekend...' which was. def special. p sure she was supporting hamas which got me so angry and upset. oh well. just gotta keep going and living

no work today !! hopefully i can meet up with my friends after school :) STILL dunno what to add to my website, but idk, we'll figure it out. math test and spanish test this week too... yikes !! oh well. gonna try anf rest. Byebye !!

2nd post 2day because a Lot happened LOL
ended up having 2 go to the area where i work like an hour early because my mom couldnt take me later. was sooo nervous i fely like i was gonna PASS OUT but i sat in a starbucks and drank half of a chai latte (felt even more nervous abt bringing a good bev 2 work...) while working on this site. Still wasnt ok tho

then i was like Oh Shoot ! Its time 2 Actually go 2 Work !!! and so i put all my stuff together and threw away my chai latte (rip :( ) and went 2 work.

it was honestly such a perfect work day !!!! akll the kids i got were super sweet and i helped them and we talked about so much stuff and they All did their work well and it was splendid !!! and then when doing my little AFter Tasks i Did Them without being told anything, then I actually TALKED 2 one of my coworkers there which was pretty neat, and then I went outside and my mum was RIGHT THERE 2 pick me up which i was really happy about.

today has been such a good day, even though ive felt liek DYING for liek an hour. i hate being nervous, but idk hwo 2 stop. anyways, gotta go work on crocheting. see ya !

heyhey !! im almost on my way 2 the weekend and im SO EXCITED 4 2MORROW !!! hopefullymeeting up with my Besties again and coding and stuff !! p excited. finished school conferences a little bit ago and then me and mum got some Cawfee (i got a little java chip frappucino because im a Coffee Hater like that) and now im Homee !!! dont have school until onday and im SO HAPPY Abt it. i have work 2day but hopefully itll b fine. idk, im a little nervous but yesterday was so ok !! i really like when most people are done at the same time as me, i dont feel as Stupid doing all the closing little tasks and jobs and its honestly kinda fun. everyone there is also so sweet, its so much fun ngl. the issue is when im done Before everyoen else and i feel stupid tryuing to figure out what 2 do. oh well, sometimes styuff like that haooens

i also have work saturday, which is fine. i think saturdays r my Fave work days, theyre the Least nervewracking. i get there like 10 minutes before they open so i have some time to Get my Bearings b4 dealing with kids. plus it reminds me that thety Dont actually hate me which is still very neeeded LOLOL

conferences went pretty well !! dont like how they kept saying they were proud of me. said my comments were "Exceptional" which was kinda embarassing. talked about my handwriting and some opportunities next uear. overlal it was fine, i just dont really like conferemves. theyre boring, and i dont really get anything out of it. oh well ! means no school for me, which im absolutely perfectly content with :) gonna work on some other stuff now, toodles !

today was kind of Bad but in a good way. still feeling super awful, still went 2 school. luckily it was p easy today though; just history (spent almost all of class just working independtly), math quiz (seemed pretty easy i hope), lunch, then fine arts which was also fun. was supposed 2 go to work, ended up going in and telling them that i felt pretty sick, ended up going home at 5. laid in bed for like an hour because i couldnt get up (too weak :( ), then worked on some stuff. ate some chicken noodle soup and some cucumbers with tzatziki. was a pretty epic meal !! been having a lot of tea with lemon and honey and theraflu, but still feeling pretty nasty. idk i just got a Lot worse a couple hours ago so idk how ill feel tomorrow. Just gotta do school tho cuz i got nothing after it !! yippee

update on my crocheting : i started a blanket hopefully !!! it doesnt look the best but im only done with the second row, so it should get better hopefilly. its so much fun !! just put on my Sad Boyz with jarvis johnson and jordan adika on my laptop and crocheted away !! ended up spending like 40 minutes like that, kinda crazy. havent done one thing for that long in a while lol !

got toes 2 make a neocity too !! yippee !! gonna help them work on it during study hall 2morrow and im so excited !!

been listening 2 girl by daoko a lot recently. idk if its just my period coming up and being Sad (third time ive mentioned it this week LOL) but ive been thinking way too much lately. idk. friday night i ended up crying for an hour with my mom before falling asleep because i was so nervous to go to work the next day. it was actually Crazy. Like i felt insane. idk. im just so nervous of looking stupid, especially when im being 'compared' to college kids. i dont even think anyone else is comparing me, i think im just so used to comparing myself with other people that i just do it automatically at this point :( its ok tho, hopefully it gets better. one of the ladies who runs the place keeps asking me if i still like working there, and i absolutely do. honestly whenever she asks me that i feel so amazing ! idk it makes me feel like they Dont wanna fire me, which is kinda wild lol

last piece of news. i dont think ive scratched or hurted myself in like 2 weeks !!! yippee !!!! my arms are all healed up and i feel so proud of myself ❤ :). alrighty, night night you guys !! sending lots of love into the world, we need more of it ❤❤❤

hey gamers welcome BACK 2 my blog page. anyways yesterday i wanted to edit my blog later but then i got home and felt AWFUL so i kinda just went 2 bed. this morning though, ive done kinda a BUNCH !! im Still trying2 learn how to crochet, which is going. Erm. Special !! essentially, im just trying 2 learn how to make a littkle square or whatever but im gettung so frustrated and annoyed. have cried Twice now !! might b because my period is coming but Idk it just hasnt been a very swell time. my mom has been trying 2 help me, but ya know how mother daughter teaching moments are.... they r Not Epic !!

ither than that... i did some math that took 2 HOURS. i have a physics tutoring session in a few hours. excited 4 tomorrow because some pretty Fab stuff rereleases on animal crossing pocket camp !! gonna keep trying 2 learn how 2 crochet, hopefully. going to Hopefully add something new 2 my site that ISNT a blog post. gonna hope my sore throat goes away because i cant miss school tomorrow. just gonna try and feel better :)

ello ello !!! today was AWESOME !!! went out with bestie to a few shops which was so much fun !!! bought a couple notebooks, some fishing hooks, a kneaded eraser, and a sticker page !! then we went 2 crochet store and i bought a hook and some yarn 2 get started !! gonna get going on that rn, will update later !

heyhey !! 50th blog post woohoo !!! this has def been a wild ride. anyways, about today. it actually wasnt 2 awful !! first half of day was kinda boring, pe was fun tho. basically just went on playground and finished up some homework, which is always welcome :) then during study hall i had a Whole bag of skittles !! and then i just basically zoned out for most of physics. most of the noisy people werent in class so it was a TON easier than normal :) and then i took Toes home from school and we picked up Panini and we went 2 coffee shop ! (current location) also grade reports came out which was pretty neat. everything was pretty ok, and my mum said she was proud of me (which was SUPES sweet !!). all the comments written about me were pretty good too. so kinda looking 4ward to conferences next week (i think theyll go by p quickly and be pretty easy too) but yeah !

i still dunno what to add to my site !!! ive been kinda Slacking off lately simply because i feel like ive exhausted all my creativity/ Idea potential. even looking at other sites hasnt helped me Come Up with things to add. ive kinda just been trying to renovate some older pages (videogame page especially...) because im kinda unhappy wirh how theyre turning out, but idk how 2 fix them !! especially with my videogame page, im having so much trouble with it. the current page is after a FULL revamp that i liked originally but now im just kinda unhappy with. it looks Wayyy too corporate core and structured, i just dunno how 2 fix it, or how else to format it :( oh well, we'll figure something out. anyways, toodaloo for now !!

quixk post b4 i go 2 work: 3:55 pm. OWOWOWOWOWOWOWO OWWWW MY STUMMY HURTS i am So nervous !!! Im not normally this nrvous OUCHIE This is Not fun !!!! OI feel like my Teeth are going to bite my Tongue of and KILL ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Helppppp omg im so nervous !!!! I feel so bad. And lame. And unqualified. And stupid. Help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok back. its 8:30 rn. i got back like an hour and a half ago but gosh i felt so bad today at work. everyone keeps having to help me and i Still dont know how everything works and i feel awful. i really really just want to be able to do my job and stuff but idk. i cant even control 3 kids !! and i feel so bad that other people have to help me and i just feel so so so useless. idk why they hired me. i just feel so stupid and lame and stuff. oh well. im even more tired. i might just end up going to bed right now. i dont know. im just so tired. sleeping wont even help though. oh well.

im so tired omg. i meant 2 blog yestrtday but i ended up feeling 2 bad 2 get on my computer, which is Kinda rare ngl !! updated my Worse Blog on my phone last night which was a little wild. other than that, ive just been so so so SOOOO Tired... i have work 2day right after a history test and i am Stressing abt both !!! lately ive felt P useless and lame during and after work, and i hope today is different. becayse i canNot handle another day of me going 2 bed as soon as i get home. luckily tomorrow shouldnt be too difficult ofa day. just math, fine arts, and english, which is oretty easy. and the 2nd day of work is alwsays easier than the first. i should probably be studying right now but im just way too done with everything to do that. i know im not gonna get that good of a grade, so i dont rly care all too much. i feel really tired right now though. i hope the kids i get today are nice. i hope its not too much stuff that ive done last year

i hope i end up feeling fine after ti too. too much lately ive gotten back from work and just wanted 2 like. Scream and go 2 bed immediately. especially rn, when i already feel like going to bed right now. and its only 2 !! i have 2 more hours of school, and 3 hours of work after that... yikes. wont get home until like 7:15 tonight. oh well. i took a shower this morning, it felt Amazing !! iys been so cold lately, which is pretty fun and games, except at night when it gets into freezing temps and my toes feel like theyre gonna FALL OFF !!!

about my website rn: i really have no clue what to add. ive really just been blogging lately, which is pretty boring annoying core for other people. it helps me get my thoughts out, but idk. not really interesting for anyone else, and not that much Real Coding, which is getting boring for me too. idk, i really dont have any ideas. So close 2 just posting on my profile 2 ask if someone knows what i should add LOLOLOL !!!

today's gonna be rough, thats all i know. had a physics test earlier today (that i legit did not know how 2 do AT ALL) and im pretty positive i bombed it. literally never seen 1 of those questions before in my life, and it had like 5 parts.... idk. all i know is i NEVER want 2 see it ahain. i know my school is trying to amke us Like physics by having the grading system make it easier or smth, but id rather the teachers actually Teach !!!! becase i legit dont know whats happening in that class at ALL. in history rn, which is fine so far. we have a test on wednesday, so basically just review which is easy. just had 2 finish a review page, which was Easy !! so tired tho

luckily today is my easy work day tho, which is nice. just not looking forward 2 math last period.... yikes........ but yeah. after that its pretty smooth sailing, hipefully. maybe after work ill ask my mom if we can stop for a nice little Treat (a yummy bev) but idk ive been having a lot of treats lately so.

i know i said this yesterdat, but its getting colder !!! yippee !!!! im such a megafan of this weather omg. it was like 37 fahrenheit this morning i almost JUMPED WITH JOY !!! im still sooo tired though. i even went 2 bed at like 8 last night. woke up at 4:30 tho, but thats still 8 hrs so i should be all Rested up. idk, physics really tuckered me out. i hope he teaches more next unit. byebye 4 now !!

im worried about so much stuff. ive been thinking so much lately its not fun at all. i hope Bestie is ok their profile desc is pretty Not Good and they havent responded to me in a hot second. i hope theyre doing ok. i dont know. i hope they feel better soon, i hope they respond soon. currently enjoying some cereal.

also got some hot tea ! also it looks like im not wearing Pants but i have shorts on LOLZ ! its finally getting cold enough to swear sweaters without blasting out the fan, but im still too warm to wear pants, no matter what im told lol. anyways, cereal is honey nut cheerios and tea is earl grey, both some of my favorites ! yesterday, me and Bestie had a swell time. i worked on webby site a TON, had a yummy lil treat AND a tasty little dinner and then we watched my fave show !! didnt go 2 bed until like midnight which was kinda wild. at work the ladies running the place asked me something about the rangers, and i didnt know what that was (looked it uo and its a BAseball thing). i think Bestie's brother was watching it LOL so that was a funny Reference of my life.

i really really really want a new Good bag !! been using my old one for only like a year but the inside is already all torn up :( plus its kinda inconvenient to wear. but its just so cute !! but also a new bag would be very nice. dunno where 2 find one tho. was looking on amazon for Hobo Bags but i couldnt find any good ones, and i dont feel like spending too much money so idk where else to look. oh well, hopefully ill find some l8r. byebye 4 now !

heyhey yall !! ive been so sleep lately. idk what it is. this next week is gonna be SO SPOOKY i have physics test monday, history test wednesday, probz an english paper or math quiz sometime in between, def a spanish quiz. idk. im just worried in general. i keep being reminded of how old people percieve me as, and it keeps making me upset. i dont know. sometimes i think its better than being seen as younger, but at least then people wouldnt expect as much of me. theres a girl in my (9th) grade class who still looks 10. i envy her a little bit. she can act immature and, although its not completyely brushed aside, it 'makes more sense' in people's minds. i saw her while going 2 a cafe with bestie today. immediately i asked friend if we could leave LOL, there also wasnt any place for us to sit inside so.

anyways back to my point. i dont know why everyone thinks im so old. i feel normal. but idk. ive always been told im an old soul. i guess i matured quickly (body and mind) and then i just never really had a teenagehood. like i feel like the past few years ive been a college kid disguising myself as a middle schooler. my mom asked me if i wanted to do online schooling yesterday (full time instead of irl school, like homeschooling but just online classes), and i asked why because i had wanted to a couple years ago but she didnt let me. she told me that she thought i would be more social in high school, and thats why she didnt let me. but now that im in high school and not taking advantage of any of those 'opportunities', she doesnt rly see a problem with me doign online school

i think in a lot of ways i would LOVE TO, but i would also be pretty sad. i wouldnt be able to see toes like at all anymore, and Bestie wold still be probz going to a normal 8-3 school. id probably work more days a week (because id be a HELL of a lot less tired), and then idk how much id be able to see anyone. but other than that. i think it would be SO MUCH FUN !!! id probably be done with actual school stuff at like noon and basically have the rest of the day to do whatever id want !! i could do school at parks or cafes or anything like that and just basically ENjoy myself all the time !! but idk how quickly thatd get exhaustive and boring itself. i dont know. the other day my mom was saying i should go down from 4-3 days of work a week, but thats not why im so tired. i honestly quite enjoy my new job, it doesnt even make me all that tired. its really just school. school makes me literally delirious. half the time in study hall the only thing that will happen is ill just go insane and not be able to focus at all during my last class. god i hate school

good evening gamers. i havent been as active as i would have liked 2day but its been such a strange day. was only at school until 12;30 bcuz of an orthodontist appointment that ended at 4 ?!?? it was so stinking lame i was there for 3 hours ?!??? epic lamecore moment. also couldnt hang out with Bestie 2day but eh its okkk hopefully will b able 2 on friday !! smells like mashed potatoes in the house and im enjoying soem delectable mint chip ice cream while writing this. my teeth hurt so much tho. every time i bite Wrong this oen tooth starts hurting AWFULLy its so megalame.

i did my work schedule 4 next week. Yahoo !! i hope it stops being scary, but idk if it will Lolz. i have 2 call with some girls from school 2 work on a math thing which im not excited for. ive never really liked calling, ive always preferred just meeting up in person. idk i feel like more goes wrong online. and i get tired much much much faster. altho i guess thats just a me thing ngl. i just get tired fast in general LOLZ. other things that have happened.... my math garde rn is 93.8 !! which im pretty ok with. i know it can def be better but im just glad its over 90 :) so worried 4 grades releasing, and conferences, but its ok we'll deal. less worried and more annoyed with it all. i hate worrying for the future. had a super epic convo yestetday w/ Bestie about future but idk it seems so far awayyy. especially because im sure money is gonna get a lot harder to get and a lot less valuable. which is very very frightening, none of us know what 2 expect for the future. idk. i think me having this new job will be neat tho. i hope i get better @ asking things. i want to know more about how these people got to where they are. i need 2 know how 2 get 2 college, but idk it feels weird asking. people keep thinking im older than i am, which is so poopin annoying. oh well. i guess its better than younger ??? idk anymore honestly.

tomorrow's gonna be an interesting day. during pe we have our little run tests which r gonna be SO POOPIN LAME i am so not looking 4ward 2 them. especially cuz i have def not gotten better @ running in the past couple of months. and i have work after school tomorrow. And i have pe in the middle of the day AND physics right after.... nasty. i have my physics test next monday, which im also scared of. and my history test next wednesday. and an english quiz this friday...

idk im trying not to stress myself out so much. i dont think its good for me. good night for now ! my call starts soon :)

omg im so TIREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD my legs hurt.... theyre better than they were b4 tho. felt like my FOOT was gonna FALL OFF MY LEG.... Ouchie. i hate growing pains. ive had them for as long as i can remember and theyve gotten Soooo much worse as the years have gone on. and most of the time i cant even fix it !!! at least not without either Getting out of bed (where it jappens the most...) or getting home from school. there is 1 single treatment ive found 2 work and its this little red cap container thingy filled with like teatree oil/butter or something. but i NEVER HAVE IT WITH ME WHEN I NEED IT........ which is just Awful its so peepee lame core

Oh !! 4got 2 mention, but im @ school rn.... Yuck ! luckily this day was p easy 2day. first i had pe which was pretty fine. i was able 2 benchpress EIGHTY POUNDS Ten Times !!! which is honestly probs not that good but i dont really care it made me feel Strong Epic Gamer Girl Hours !! and then physics was fine. and after that.... Erm i dont rly know what happened during lunch and studyhall LOLOL i was HardCore spacing out ngl.... it was rough. too Loud and then i kinda had 2 study 4 history and it was just Not It Fam !!! but anywyas. after that, i had Hustory which im in rn !!! my teacher isnt here and we had a quiz (which i finished in 15 minutes ???? Erm...) and now i finished all the hw questions so im just working on my Lil Webbysite !!! p fun if u ask me. after i have work tho which is like... fine ngl. idk im not 2 worried. its my Less NervyCore job. idk i hope i put in my schedule 4 this week but i honestly dont remember. i dotn rly feel liek checking it tho. it makes me wayyy 2 nervous everytime i open that Google Cell file.....

ermmm other things that r happening: BESTIE IS STILL SICK and i feel AWFUL 4 them... i hope they get better by 2morrow so i can go and SEE THEM cuz im leaving early 4 a doc appt which is nice !!! really wanna see them b4 friday cuz otherwise its gonna b a ROUGH couple of days :) might b seeing the fnaf movie !!! hopefully. Idk if bestie cant go its gonna b kinda BORING but Uhoh we'll see. Idk. i hope we can :) also just looked up a couple ukrainian words and By golly gee they r similar 2 russian !! wind is basically the same in both. theres some letters ive never seen b4 tho which is kinda Strange. oh well. im gonna go work on smth else now. Byebye !!

hola hola !! i opened my new stationary yesterdat and OMGGGG ITS SO EPIC I LOVE THEM ALL SOOOO MUCH !!!!! Legit theyre so good theyve gotten me back into DRAWING !??!??????!??!?!??!??!?! Dawg WHAT !? Unheard of ! but yaya i started drawing again (or i guess Trying 2 draw more like...) and its been so much fun !!! other than that, i cleaned my desk up a lil today !! was in sorta a cleaning mood and i tried 2 clean up my desk chair (using a diff one rn cuz the other is still DRYING) but Erm i ended up using 2 diff cleaning products and then i read the label of one of em and it told me not 2 mix with other products ?!??? and that kinda scared me so i ended up opening All the windows and turning on a lotta fans to try and Air Out the room it was in but i think hoepfully its fine rn. Hopefully :) . bestie si SICK and we couldnt hang out 2day which was pretty balls and i was pretty bored. i havent really known what 2 code lately and ive just been feeling kinda Stuck on my website. probz just need 2 like browse other cool sites and find new features I wanna add but i havent even felt like doing too much exploring lately :( idk i just need 2 work on my statioanry page i think. i even have like a cool layout idea in my brain but its gonna be a PAIN if it doesnt end up working because remove.bg has been kidna lame lately.

also got 2 trying 2 make a new button cuz i kinda RLY dont like mine currently. but that program has also been kinda Peepee and digital drawing is hard w/o a touch screen but i at least have an idea of what iw ant now which is nice !! really not looking forward 2 school tomorrow. i have pe FIRST THING IN THE MORNING and i just have really Not been able to run without hurting myself lately, and we're probably doing sprints tomorrow which is scary. plus i already sat out for one round of sprints last week and i dont feel like asking again. thatd be pretty lame ngl... but i guess a lot of stuff i do is lame anyways. i also have physics tomorrow which is pretty stressful, and a history quiz i was supposed 2 study for but just... didnt... oh well at least i have study hall tomorrow for that, which should help. i feel like theres not all that much info tho, so idk if i rly have 2 study.... im gonna regret saying that tho LOLZ ! luckily tuesday is a pretty easy day for me whichis fun !! still dunno what 2 write about for my personal narrative tho which is kind of an issue... oh well ill figure it out soon :)

lately ive also been having 2 deal with my Boy Dislike a lot which has been quite annoying. altho i guess Im the annoying one ngl. i Shouldnt feel so disgusted by them but like... Ewwwwwwwwwwww !!! im so glad i was put in an all girls school but aslo i wonder if i would have gotten more used 2 them if i just went 2 a co ed schoo. kinda dont wanna get used 2 boys tho. theyre just like. Kinda. Gross !!! idk i wonder if itll change as i grow and get older and talk 2 More Boys. Nasty. Idk. and i feel so BAD because im sure there are 100% some normal nice boys out there in the world but everything ive Heard and Seen just kinda... doesnt bolster that theory. but im hoping and Praying i get more used 2 them because i Cant go thru life just Immensely Disliking Half The Population !!!! oh well. we'll grow. we live and we ball. see ya !

heyhey !!! been a while since i posted here Lolz ! my week has been very unusual and i havent really felt like editing my site lately which makes me SO SAD But idk !! hopefully ill find some Inspo soon :) other than that WOW THIS WEEK HAS BEEN ROUGH........ had a Little Bit of a........ RelapseCore Moment..... but Its ok !! we better now. We live We ball (Heart) but yaya !! luckily this weekend should be BANGIN !!! i get my NEWWWW STATIONARYYYY TODAY WHICH IM SO YIPPEE WAHOO BAHAHHA ABOUT I AM SOOO EXCITED IDC THAT IT COST ME LIKE 50 DOLLARS I AM SO HAPPY !!!! But then i had some tests that i think i bombed and... idk. this week has been Very. Interesting. i justtt finished a spanish test which was P strange ??? idk i liked the writing part. its kinda funny that im better @ creative writing in my 2nd language class than my 1st lol. we're strating personal narratives in language arts and i have ZERO. CLUE. WHAT 2 WRITE ABOUT. But oh well, thats a problem for another day :)

other than that, my fam is going out 2 dinner 2night 2 celebrate my mum's bday !!! which should hopefully be very exciting but idk i dont really have any Fancy clotehs and it seems like a p fancy restaurant but im sure ill e able 2 Scrounge up something. Hopefully. BUT IDK THIS WEEKEND IS GONNA BE SOOOOOFUN !!!! Ok im gonna go home now Byebye !!! might edit later if i Feel Cute LOLZ See yall !!!

ouch !!! my legs have been hurting so bad for the past few days and i have no idea why. at first i thought it was my period because stuff that DIdnt normally happen during it was happening (i had rly bad cramps when i normally never have any cramps) but its gotten so bad. i like legit coudlnt walk earlier, idk how im gonna do pe tomorrow. might ask my mom for a note to exempt me but idk. feels a little lame and i dont even know if the nurse is gonna take that as an actual thing. idk hopefully it gets better by the morning because theyre playing BASKETBALL which is my fave sport type thing !!! oh well, id rather Not be in any more pain but... idk. i just hope it doesnt get worse. i cant stay home from school for a doctor appt, but i guess i gotta go anyways. I dont know. this just sucks in general :(

but now for some GOOD NEWS !!!! i finally ordered some EPIC STATIONARY after debating for literal YEARS !!! just got my first paychck from new job (Eighty Bucks !!) so i decided i should Treat Myself :) so i got some new pens, some ink refills, a couple cool pencils, and a new notebook/sketchbook type thing !!! verye xcited, the expected arrival is on the 25th so ill give an update then :) other than that, ive been going to the park SO MUCH RECENTLY !!! the weather is finally good enough to not feel like im gonna DIE everytime i go outside and these new socks r EPIC !!!! plus its just been fun not having to stay inside all day, been P Epic !! but idk what else honestly. ots been kind of a slow weekend but Whateva !! been at least a lil restful. not ready 4 school tomorrow tho... Oh well. Byebye !!

oh my god i woke up SO. EARLY. TODAY. legit left the house earlier than i do for school it was AWFUL !!!!!1 went 2 a social impact community service thing (which was P fun but it feels liek AGESSSS AGO) and then i had 2 go 2 WORK and i had 2 bites of a muffin before going 2 work so i was P sleepy !! but it was fun. and then i learned that id basically been clockin out Too Early ? Which is p nifty, means im gonna get paid more which is cool. and then after work my mum Hyped Up some lunch she made (it wasnt rly that good but i appreciate the effort) but i had some rice and smoked salmon. and a bag of chips and a juicebox. but now im @ cafe with Panini !! and i have a YUMMY BEV and a little treat (Madeleine Cookie[gluten free]) !! so honestly todat is going pretty epic so far. work was pretty fun, and the closing up tasks and stuff were fine. still dont like not being able to understand anything but i think imgetting better @ learning which is nifty !!

anyways idk what else to add on this site. like otger than a few small things i dont rly wanna do (my sadstuff/hating page...) i dont really know what else to do !! idk maybe ill start compiling clothes i like, or add some food i like. maybe ill actually make my Shelf and Items page but who knows. everything i wanna do is gonna take so much WORK tho and idk how im gponna motivate thru it. Oh well ! just gotta find something i think is fun :) Toodles 4 now !!

another day another struggle... or i guess i shouldnt say struggle. its really just me being inconvenienced by stuff that i should get used to. idk. Or i guess today was sort of a struggle. went thru a p awful time @ school. had some. Had Some Bad Thoughts !!! And was abt 2 make a plan for. Um. Bad Things !! btu we're ok now. Hopefully. idk i was able to skip my last class of the day (stummy was hurting so i told them it was MAX and i got 2 go home) and i was able to rest and feel better before work. idk work isnt getting better. i feel worse and worse everyday because i like. cant help at all. and i also dont have anyone. and i just feel lame and Stupid and AWFUL at my job and its Not. Getting better. But. we gotta Keep Pushing !! idk i dont even have a reason to work there. and its fun Sometimes but when no one is With me and im just sitting there (Happening a ton lately) i just feel mega lame. idk. just gotta Survive. thats what ive been telling myself. not getting any easier though...

but god am i sleepy rn. legit about to pass out. luckily tomorrow is an easy day tho which is nice !! anyways im gonna go honk shoo. hopefully ill feel better in the mornin. Night night !!

Ugh physics is my First Class of the WEEK this is gonna be P awful Ngl. whatevz we'll make it thru the day. today's my HARDEST day but we dont have anything after school so we have time 2 Relax hopefully. did my Work schedule wrong so gonna have 2 RUSH after my Volunteer Opportunity at EIGHT AM on saturday 2 get 2 work @ 10:50.... oy. gonna b p awful but. idk. gotta get my Community Service in !! might sign up for some tutoring opportunities because thats like. Basically all i do and itd be nice 2 connect everything i do to a single thing as like a 'passion' or whatever. idk. im like so scared of not going 2 college because for now thats how it seems like its going !! i literally only do One thing outside of school and thats a JOB. #NotImpressive. gotta get my resume up LOLOLOL. might do an abroad program over the summer so i can get my spanish fluency up or whatever. because that sounds Fun !! maybe ill ask toes 2 come witj. idk, sounds fun but idk how reasonable that is 2 say

i am like. SO EXCITED for the eclipse this weekend !!!!! Unfortunately. I Think. I Have. Work. Poop myself. Idk hopefully i can still see it maybe !! NVM, ITS FROM 10:15 TO 1:40 KMS WHATEVER. ill ask Panini 2 take some pics for me... dang thats so unfortunate :( :( whatever... ill deal.... tahts so annoying though omg.... whatever. this saturday is not gonna be a great day oits gpnna be Major Stressful... even today had some bad omens. dead possum in the read and dead ladybug on my friend's desk. Hearing kids talk abt calorie counting. Whatever. ill have 2 deal with stuff i guess. cant jsut like... ignore things

ugh school is a pain. i barely do Anythign afterwards but i feel like i havent like. Rested. in MONTHS. like i wake up Exhausted and i go 2 bed dreading the morning. oh well. guess we'll just have 2 push thru. wasnt expecting saturdays to be such a Bad Day 2 work ngl. like this weekend is gonna b Nasty and then in like 2 weeks theres apparently some sort of like All Boys School Bonding Social Impact from NINE TO SIX ?!???? hopefully i dont have 2 attend. Idk it sonds kinda Boring and annoying.... some sort of trail thing. but ist also 6 hrs of social impact. Oh Well. idk. ill have to figure my life out, get a routine down or whatveer. idk. i need 2 figure out what im doing for work in the Real Life because thats probably a good thing to know, i can plan out my life better. Idk. im so not ready 4 school to pick up....

end of school update !! today wasnt Too bad honestly. finished all my hw in class which im V glad about !!! me n toes played Papas Freezeria all thru study hall. i Downloaded steam on my school computer LOLOLOL. math lesson was also P easy and fun ! i LOVE factoring its honestly like. So fun !??!? idk factoring jsut Clicks in my head its so nice :) but im still ready 2 go home and change and sleep. i might shower. i Probz should, it would make me feel Sooo good but like... idk. a lot of times im just too tired to shower :( but we'll see how it goes. oh well. i rly dont like when people COmplain about their futures, it makes me so much more worried about my own. because i have ZERO plans and ZERO extracurriculars and i am just so worried... idk. that wanst the point of this entry. gonna stay Positive !!! Gonan finish up my Work Training Pdf !!! Gonna have a GREAT DAY !!!!

ok so its like 11 pm and i am MEGA SLEEPY CORE But im gonna try and update this page from the last few days because thers Quite a bit i wanna share !!
first; work is getting better, bit by bit ! i dont really know why, and Closing is stll a Me Nightmae because i DONT. KNWO WHAT 2 DO. AND I WAS Not Told WHat 2 do and i felt USELESS But i left @ like 2:15 so it was like Ok....,.,. I hope. other than that, the kids ive been getting r so sweet and sooo nice !!! lke i feel SO Bad that they have 2 come 2 a math tutoring center on a SATURDAY But like... Idk. if it helps them i guess but iwould have rather DIED than go 2 tutoring on saturdays when i was little.
ive been thinking a lot about Driving recently. im coming up on the years where i Can actually learn but like. i kind of REALLY dont want 2. driving is not something i think i should be allowed 2 do. like it just seems Wrong 4 me to be in the front seat. i just got over my Aversion to the passenger seat and idk i think it would just be INSANE 2 actually drive. idk luckily my mumzie isnt too pressuring about it, she says we can start in 11th grade which is fine i guess... idk it gives me enough time Hoepfully. ill have enough to worry about then though so. theres a couple reasons why i dont wanna drive but i think its mostly fear and convenience. for the convenience part; i mean i basically have a mandated personal chaffeur rn becaue i legit Cant take myself places, i also dont have 2 pay for gas and look 4 parking and stuff. idk i guess this is all just Normal Person stuff but im just not excited for when i have 2 deal with it. and for the fear part......... Welp idk why I, a Child, should be allowed to operate a Two Ton piece of Heavy Machinery on the daily. its just insane for me to think about. i still think its bonkers that society as a whole lets kids drive when they turn sixteen. Idk how thats even like. idk i guess 'possible' but thats not really right. Oh well

its finally getting cooler outside where i live !!! its so nice, me and panini just sat on this ledge overlooking a little creek for like an hour earlier today. absolutely EPIC moment, i felr so much like a Girl. and idk if this is just a me thing, but i feel like i never really feel like a Girl. i saw something a while ago about how some lady didnt feel like a girl because people didnt percieve her in the stereotypical way they percieve women (I. e . Pbjectifivation....) and like. Idk i think i relate to that in some way. unless im like doing something Exceptionally Girlcore (cleaning room, laying down with feet in air, just like... i dont even know how to explain it. jsut a lot of things i guess i dont really think of Men doing. like. idk like today ! i would never imagin a man sitting on a ledge overlooking a creek the way me and panini were. it was just Exceptionally Girlcore and it felt amazing. i think i should try redefining myself, but i think that might make things worse. i guess the point of this whole spiel is i still wanna be seen as normal, no matter the situation or whatever. Idk. im gonna go and get some rest. night night !!

i have been on a Roll with these posts !! basically every day for a hot second LOLOL. anwyays some updates from today...
schoolwise: I GOT AN 88 ON A HISTORY TEST. I WAS SO FREAKING UPSET. Omg i saw the grade and legit wanted 2 like. DIE. it was HUMILIATING. and i Know an 88 isnt even that bad but like... for the first test of the year ??? i was pretty disappoonted. altho i guess its no one's fault but my own so... Idk. guess i shouldnt really be complaining. if i read a bit more carefully and studied more i bet i couldve done a lot better. i had a math quiz todat which Ngl i think i legit BOMBED. very veyr very worried about that... luckily the problem set has been P easy so far (my group is haLf way done) so hopefully i can get some points back for that. but gosh, i am just so disappointed in myself. i could have done So much better on both if i just tried harder. but idk. studying is just so boring for me and i dont even feel that good about 100s. its just anything below like a 95 feels so bad to me. so its either feelin average or like im the scum of the earth. idk. i should probz work on that

in other news: new job's getting a lil better !! FINALLY Was paired up with a lady today which made me feel a Ton better ngl i asked All the questions i had and was a TON less afraid and it was Pretty ok !! hopefilly i wont feel as nervous 2morrow because i legit felyt like my stomach was gonna like. Eat Itself Apart during study hall i was SO NERVOUS !!!! but its ok, Crew was pretty fun and a girl Reassured me and told me if i was Polite and stuff id be fine. which was nice. she also said that i was Def not normal LOLOL which sounds mean out of context but it was P silly (and totes true ngl) in the moment. made me feel a lil sad tho. because even though i Know im definitely not like. an Average girl (in a TON of ways, but for here let's just say in a social aspect), but hearing someone else tell me that makes me a little sad. i wonder how many people see me as an outsider just because of how i act. which i guess is human nature, but idk. being referred to as an Other is going to make anyone upset so i dont think i should worry about it too much

ermm lets see what else. i had a JAMMIN BEV 2day !! lavender milk tea w/ boba it was SNazzy !! Went thru the whole dau withoiut going Bonkers (one of the only times lately where ive been like Ok after work without an Activity to keep me excited), i also had a very interesting and Bond Making convo during lunch. learned i unfortunately interuppt people a LOT which i need to work on. im not very good @ shutting up, im bad @ explaining things in ways that make sense 2 others because it just kinda. Clicks in my brain. i get my english essay back tomorrow which im PRAYING i did alright on because english is one of those classes that really makes me proud. i love love LOVE writing and getting bad grades in english makes me so sad...

phew ! that was a long entry Lol. its storming and pretty late (9:12 pm) for me rn though so its pretty cozy. also got a blanket on my legs, my pjs on, and the warm of my laptop on my thighs. the rain sounds so nice yall. i hope i sleep good tonight

giid afternoon... in physics so i might have 2 like. Edit this in spurs. but either way i dont even know how much i have 2 say, im just so tiredddd and so so so broed. got an a- on my physics test, but idk. Like. im not rly Happy about it but idk... i thought i was gonna do a whole lot worse. so Idk ! im just sleepy. i wanna nap . i want a Yummy Treat !! i wanna feel better but idk how 2. i wanna work on this Site i wanna go 2 a CAFE but i ahve like, stuff 2 do. this job training is KILLINGGG MEEEE Theres so mcuh STUFF and its so ANNOYINGGGGG Ugh. But i get $154 for it so i just gotta Push Thru !!

idk what else happened today honestly. our form meeting got cancelled (Yippee !!) and so i did some soanish homework and then i DREW with toes and it was so fun !! ill put a pic in here of it. was So much fun !! i wanna get my own whiteboard because i LOVE drawing on whiteboards but Idk if id use it and theyre decently expensibe... maybe ill ask 4 my birthday Idk !!

I miss friend SO MUCH !!!! Idek why Likje normally i can Survive until saturday but OMG IM SOOOOOOOOOOOO MISSINGCORE i Wanna talk 2 them and See them and Omg !!! Idk if theyre allowed 2 tho unfortunately.... Idk i wanan SEE THEM and TALK 2 THEM and CHAT !!!!!! Plus they havent been allowed 2 #Online lately so that might be part of my Misisngness... Idk. We'll see. Hopefully i can do Something exciting today ive been P bored lately... Oh well. Might edit later Again LOLOL. Adiooos

Ughggghhh i have a feeling this new job is gonna b the Death of me... gosh i could not stop WORRYING Last night literally took Hourssss to get to bed. had to listen to some tunes to try and distract me. it didnt work too well tho... idk im just SO SCARED. i Dont know anyone there and i Dont know anythingabout it it all makes me want 2 SCREAM !!!!! but its Ok. we can Survive. We will do Epic. we can. idk im just trying to fool myself at this point. Scratchd my arm and Thigh last night... Erm wasnt too great. i want 2 again. But this isnt the place for That !!! This is not the mecore page. This is just Blog. Lo siento !!!

i am So tired omg. i woke up this morning and the only thing i wanted to do was fall asleep. luckily i got my math homework done tho so thats nice !! nd the study page Practice thingy so i can basically Get home after work and then Honk Shoo !! After writing. ugh i cant wait to sleep. i hate how every day and every week is the exact same. every day i go 'I just have 2 make it thru today' and i dont know how much longer ill be Able 2 Make It Thru The Day. its ok. we just have 2 keep pushing. high school may SUCK but Real Life sucks worse !!!! God im gonna be part of the 9%

Erm ill edit the rest of this later Maybe if i have anything 2 say. Toodles 4 now !!

Good Afternoonn. went 2 Work again 2day ! morning time but it def did Not feel like 4 hours !! Honestly was P fun when there were enough kids it was pretty cool. Ermmm what else. i was RLY BAD @ cleaning windows. i was Also P Awkward. Erm im the only Gal workin there basically. Uhhhhh Eveyerone else looks a TON Older ermmm. Idk. Makes me nervous ngl but Idk everyone seems p nice. and the kids r so sweet !! Theyre ngl So super helpeful and Ok with em learning its pretty nice.

only thing that sucks is i got home at like 2:45 which is kinda annoying but Oh well. i Get Paid !! which is nice. but anwyays, Yuh ! im SO GLAD the hw load at school isnt 2 bad Rn. Uhhh physics got SCARY Last class nd im worried about how Bad itll get... ive never been good @ math and science mixed it does Not work and then WORD PROBLEMS ?????? Gonna get a 60 on this next test #Is2g.. also think i BOMBED that history test bcuz all the info was like. Weirdly obscure ??? like it was all very single puzzle piece core, not big picture pilled. Idk. hopefully i didnt do too bad tho. the multiple choice/ fill in the blank was 70 points and the Other stuff was only 28 so that gives me hope. Oh well !! gonna go do stuff with panini, @ill update L8r !

update from a couple hours later about more Important/Website-core stuff :
i really dont know how i want to make my website. ive been trying pretty hard to make it Not corporate-core looking but with my recent page idk if its still going that way. ive been editing stuff to make it more Organized but idk if its losing its Unprofessional charm. i REALLY hope its not bexause if it is id be Pretty sad ngl. i LOVE the way most of my site looks but the more unorganized pages (im looking at you, gaming page...) make me So much less happy and idk if i should Revamp it or not. because it DEFINIETLY has some sort of charm but its Sooo inaccessible from diff devices that i might just pull out all the code and remake it from scratch... idk. ill figure it out, just wanted 2 get my Thoughts out in2 the World 😁 !

alrighty ! First, 2 catch up: work yestrrday was Not Too Bad !! EVRRYONE THOUGHT I WAS LIKE. WAY OLDER THAN I AM THO. Which is weird. but idk it was pretty fun, the kids were nice too ! felt bad tho cuz i legit did Not know what 2 do and this one guy had 2 help me for the whole time #FeltKindaBad but idk i guess i needed that help so Thanks 2 Him !

current news: IM SO SLEEPY. I FEEL LIKE IM GONNA PASS OUT WHEN I GET HOME. i have a history quiz in like 30 minutes tho... which im kinda VERY WORRIED ABOUT because like. i Barely studied. and I DONT EVEN RLY KNOW WHAT IMM SUPPSOED 2 STUDY..... Oh well. We'll Take That 80 !!!

ermm what else... bbynews (or i guess 5channel) ads have been RLY WEIRD LATELY.... like theyve always been Odd and Strange but theyve gotten SO MUCH WORSE recently ???? idk i should probz stop scrolling thru there but some of the articles r just so Strange and Interesting. Idk. anwyays gonna keep studying Toodles !!

i feel like i dont do enough to keep this blog alive ngl. like i have a lot of stuff i wanna say but its really just the same lik... 5 ideas repeate over and over again because i dont know how else to communicate it LOLOL. but other than that i really want to keep this blog and site alive and edited because of how much of a Person it makes me feel like ! i feel like ive really been able to like... idk. not understand myself more but hving a little pixel of the internet makes me feel like. Idk. like im actually existing ?? like the fact that people see thus site and have commented on it and have looked hard enough to follow me really makes me happy. so Ya if u r following my site ur helping me feel Real ! Yaya Zaza !!

other things that happened... uhhhh idk how on EARTH im gonna get into a good college. i Really dont do anything... like other than my little hobbies and work i do like legit NITHING !!! im signing up for some community service stuff but like. idk. i feel like Good Colleges want to know that i do stuff. but im just so Tired all the time. ive had Two days of school this week and i feel like im gonna PASS OUT Rn (its 8:30 pm) and i havent even done all that much !! idk im just so worried that my stupid little Energy Issues are gonna end up seriously impacting my future and thats So scary, esp for something thats been going on for forever and i dont even know how to fix...

other than that school's been pretty Ok ! classes havent been too bad and i feel Ok. idk. i felt really bad earlier (and now too) because i think i got Too Silly @ school. sometimes when im Too tired or smth i jst get like. Way Too Silly and end up being even MORE weird and annoying. Its Not Fun. anyways i think im gonna head 2 bed and Honk Shoo. Night Nighttt !!

WAHOO !!!! GOT HIRED 4 NEW JOB !!! didnt think they were gonna hire me Ngl but that math little assessment employee thingy was simple enough. idk im afraid i signed myself up for too much tho... 3 days a week there AND my other job AND schoolwork and homework and sruff... idk the people there seemed nice enough so if i need to drop a day or smth i probz can but idk itd make me feel kinda Nasty not being able to help them out enough. Lolz i guess my mum was right about me feeling bad about disappointing ppl idk ! i saw some girl in my grade's sister there which was EMBARASSING i kinda hope she doesnt tell her sister... cuz then she'd tell other people and thatd be EVEN MORE embarassing.. idk we'll Deal !!

idk what else happened 2day ngl... submitted an in class english paper, got a spanish tst part back (99!), got a spanish quiz back (99!) and then had pe. which is honestly pretty decently fun, i just Hate being sweaty ngl. Nasry feeling. OH ! ALMOST CONVINCED A FRIEND 2 GET A NEOCITIE !!! OR TWO FRIENDS ACTUALLY BUT ONE I KNOW ALREADY HAS A WEBSITE !!!! they even have their own omain which is SO COOL its so neat omg. Want one but it also looked SO COMPLEX 2 have the file editer or whatever. plus neocities is a lot easier and more fun ngl ! love all the feedback and communities u can find, its great ! Ok byebye gonna work on some other stuff Yaya !

Wahoo completed 25 hr fast !! honestly was pretty Fine. not too abd @ ALL. just did a lot of Gaming and worked on this site a p decent amount. also laid in bed staring @ a screen for a considerable bit LOLOLOL. But anyways. i go 2 the place i interviewed tomorrow !! gotta take a little math diagnostic 2 make sure im like. Good enough @ math 2 help little kids. p excited but also pretty fearful !!

getting a Little More Worried abt friend tho. Every time they [] i get a little more and more scared and worried and i dont rly know what 2 do. Probz shoudlnt be posting this here LOLOL they might read it but idk. Wish i could help but i dont know how 2 at All unforyunatley. Idk maybe ill ask. seems a little odd tho. idk. i hope they feel better soon but i dont think thisll really help anything. after all, its been like This for them for like. ages so idk what i could really do. idk i just hope they dont Stop telling me. thatd def be worse. at least theyre not Scared 2 tell me. i hope things get better 4 them 💜

wow !! so much has happened to my neocity recently !! i hit 13k views today (yaya zaza !!), ive had SO MANY COOL PEOPLE FOLLOW MY SITE (like two but still BONKERS), made a V cool page i really like (writing page if u wanna check it out), and just hoenstly been a lot more active ! very happy with how stuff has been going here abd cant wait to keep working on it !! have 2 add more books and stuff to my writing page but Gosh its gonna take a Whileeee... took me forever to make what i have so far and ive gotta do that a bunch mroe... Yikes ! i think the end result will be worth it tho so i just gotta work thru it

in other news besides neocities, i watched into the spiderverse this weekend ! im not a big superhero person so i never watched it b4 yesterday but OMG IT WAS SO GOOD !!!! wanted to watch the second one with panini 2dya but it didnt end up happening unfortunately ): but its ok we'll do it probz this weekend !! i also got a 100 on a math test !!! i really didnt think id get over an 80 so i was ECSTATIC when i found out !! very proud and im hoping i do alright on the rest of my tests LOLOL. ermmmm what else... i got some new jewelry ! jerma's birthday was friday (yaya !) and the airport's 50 years was yetserday (yaya !) so all in all been a pretty good weekend !

glad ive been able to come back to neocities and start working on it a lot more this weekend ! was in a bit of a Slump or smth last week so v glad its over !! see yall l8r !

been struggling to edit my site recently. and not in the 'idk what to add !' way but just in the 'i havent had motivation to leave my bed' way. hoping it gets better soon. hoping i can leave my house soon. hoping i can go someplace other than school and home soon LOL. hoping that. idk. just hoping i get better very very soon

just wanted to do a quick little CheckIn type beat or whatever so if i dont update for a bit anyone looking up here knows nothings wrong (Or nothing major ig) and that im just going Megasleepy time. but ya ! hopefully i get back into the groove of thinsg soon but i have No clue lolol. anyways. Peace !

i havent felt normal since friday in Such an awful way. i was sick over the weekend and then stuf dtsrtaed getting P bad monday !! yesterday i wet to bed at 5;30 pm LOL. got up around 10 tho to eat dinner cuz i awas Hundry. and i have a MATH TEST TODAY ands i rly rlu RLY do not wanna take it i dont feel prepared at alll

i was suppsoed to study some more yestertday with pnaini @ cafe but i Was Not Allowes to !!!! and then i Felt Awful and went Honkk Shoooo cuz i didnt wanna be awake. And it worked !! i barely did anything yesterday. Was nice. also had a history test yesterday that i dont think i did better than an 80 on but.... erm.... we'll deL later.

megaworrying about this math test !!! im legit so afraid i REALLY dont wanna have to drop out of the enriched class because i Rly enjoy being able to just like... Idk. learn More things idk. im SO SCARED THO OMG..... matrices Spook me out i really dont like the Big Weird Complicated Numbers they r AWFULLLLL omg.... whatevz. ill deal. i have 25 minutes to study or whatever. and then i have to study for physics next.......... UgHGHGGHGGHhhghgh im Afraid. whatever. we'll deal. Wish me luck fam

QUICK UPDATE AFTER TAKING THE TEST: Erm. Welp. That Was A Test !!!! I have ZERO CLUE HOW I DID because it felt P easy but last time i said this i got a 90... so. idk im Hoping i didnt absolutely BOMB IT but we'll see l8r. Oh well. toodles 4realz now !

feeling betterrr hopefully !! dont wanna jinx it bcuz i Hope i can do stuff 2morrow. wasnt able to study for my THREE TESTS (!!!!) today because i felt so icky so hoping i can go somewhere 2 Focus tomorrow. anyways Brief recap of what went down today because Oh Boy it felt like a TON !!!

basically adter i wrote that last post, i went to the doctor to see What was Up and they said Absolutely nothing !! and then my mom was like Lets go 2 costco and so we went and then she had to get her friend a gift card at this nail salon. so i was waiting in the car for her as usual and then she comes back and suddenly goes 'come on ! i got u an interview lets go !' and then i had 2 go into this Tutoring place and had an interview which was Def an experuence !! it seemed lke a super cool place tho so im kinda hoping i get hired (plus the pay is p good for me). the lady who ran the place told me that she Would hire me if she could find a Work-Around to my age (apparenty its not legal for me to work yet ??? which is weird ive had a job for 2 years now LOL) but Thats her only reason 4 Not hiring me then ! again, i am hoping for it to work but idk, seems kinda difficult for a company 2 do without going into child labour laws i guess LOL ! but after that i just watched silent hill for a while, played some stardew, nothing too out of the ordinary. all i ate today was a slice of cake and some PASTA which was kinda nasty it was wild.

anyways, that was my day ! a bunch happened and it Deffo didnt feel real and it was V wild. OH and i have to look for some new headphones to purchase ! ive been using in-ear ones (my airpods) for so long and now i keep getting swimmer's ear like EVERY WEEK. its Awful. #Kms. so im looking for some good over ear ones and im Again reminded how AWFUL online shopping is !! i always get so easily swayed by the reviews and i never know whats good or whats not. might ask my mom to take me to like a bestbuy or smth because thatd be less stressful somehow. but anyways, its been a wild day !! hopefully i can get around to adding some new stuff here soon because its been a hot second since i got something new running Lol ! toodles !!

i am SICK. i am ILL. i feel AWFUL AND TERRIBKLE AND PEEPEECORE. i Hate being sick so much its so so so so so awful. i hate feeling like i Cant do anything and i feel so Stuffy and in Pain. my throat is so incredibly sore (tea with honey only helps a lil ): ) and my ear HURTS and im so congested. Baaaaa humbug

cant even GO PLACES when ur sick and i canNOT stay home from stuff on monday because on Chuesday i have a TEST and if i stay home on monday then itll be sooo wrong. only good thing is now i have a reason (for me, bto anyone else) ti stay home and work on stuff like this or my button (WHICH I NEED TO FINISH...) or music or jsut playing like Minecraft or smth

idk im probably gonna go to the doctor soon and Hopefully get medicine but i just hope itll work quickly. i hate being sick and need this to go away SOON !!!!!!!!!! also Wayy too warm when ur sick Omg. anyways goodbey !

i started watching the first silent hill yesterday !!!!!!!!!!! Yay !!!!!!!!! its relaly cool. im a Big fan already. im only an hour in (its like a 4 hr playthru) but its already Super good !! the ambience is really neat, all the sound design and Creatures are just so cool. i really like the way its like a horror game but in the like. Not jumpscarey sense ! i really dont like jumpscares (i cant rly handle them LOL) but the way silent hill is put together is just so perfect and i really like it

other than that, nothing new has rly happened ! i finished my math homeowrk in class in TWENTY MINUTES which was super nice. Currently at a coffee shop w/ panini typng this out. ended up having a SUPER COOL discussion with my english teacher and my Essay group (??) about the school's curriculum and how they choose what they do and all that. because of that tho i didnt have study hall BUT i finished all my hw (even the annoying bits ive been putting off !!) pretty quickly today ! so that was nice. also ended up doing some studying for my spanish test tomorrow so tjay was nice !

honestly quite worried for tomorrow ngl... dont wanna go to english and do NOT wanna go to spanish... worried abt the test. pe is also pretty Scary ngl. whenever i look forward to it it ends up SUCKING but when i Dont its fine. its Weirddd idk. welp, wish me Luck ! Toodles,

i think im gonna watch someone play silent hill soon. its been ALL OVER My pinterest lately and the soundtrack 4 three is pretty good !! just gotta find a good playthru lolol

other than that, not much new has happened; ive been adding quite a few new pages that are all VERY under construction (not even framework LOL) but im excited 4 when they do grow !!

Bro that meeting was SO BORINB Omg.... legit didnt change any of my opinions on who i was voting for it was kinda Schtupid. but Anyways !! idk what im gonna do after school today !! bcuz i only rly have spanish homework and Maybee a review for like history or smth But. ill probably end up working on this site a lot today hopefully !! gonna work on a Super Secret page thats not up yet hopefully !! gotta make a lot of pixel art tho. and i HAVE 2 work on my button but its just taking foreverrr idk how 2 like get motivation or whatever..... who knows ! i just have to work on it. might watch jerma play smth while i make it, stay entertained. maybe ill just end up watching silent hill tonight. thats a little scary tho. im not at ALL good at horror games, but the soundtrack is just SO GOOD Legit have just been listening for the past couple hourse. its so yummy ❤

wow !! 2 in one day ! not sure if this has happened before cuz it seems kinda lame but Omg ive been thinking So Much about this lately and i dont know if i can Feel Better w/o sharin it with Possible random interner stranfers. So...

even though im in high school, i still feel 10 years old. not even just in the way i think, but like my body and height and everything. the things i think about and the way i think about them feels like im a child. and i have defiitely grown up (in all the ways ive stated), but looking around at the girls at school i just feel so young and like... not as grown up. yesterday in english as a little 'Icebreaker' my teacher asked 'how many of yall have talked about hoco with a friend today?" and everyone else stood up. and i have never ever wanted to go to homecoming (its just not the type of event i enjoy) but i felt so awful in that moment. i want to like the same things other people like and want the same things. i want to be more normal. and not in the way that i want to for myself, i just dont want other people to think im too weird. and i hate it so much. if i were to never interact with the people who make me feel Odd ever again, i would be so happy !! i love myself, i love the things i like and i love the way i like them. but i hate how its all percieved. i hate what i think people think when they see me. i hate how i think others see my body, and i hate how much that affects me. i just want to be normal, and seen as normal to those i dont know. i dont know. maybe im just afraid (probably), but it makes me feel so young and stupid that i cant relate to other girls the way i Should. and theres not even any outside pressure to do these things, its all internal i think. i dont know. i just want to stop feeling like this, but i cant talk about it to anyone because it sounds so stupid when i talk about it using my voice. nothing ever seems to come out correctly and its so awful. i wish i could be more normal.

welp. Welp. Erm i gotta go 2 history later... BuhBye !!!

my stomach feels like EXPLODING !!!!!!!!!!!! im so NERVOUS !!!!!!! i hate feeling like this omg. i dont even know how to fix it. its AWFUL. and its been happening all the time recently and theres absolutely no reason to feel so gosh darn nervous. legit my entire body feels like theres butterflies flying through my stomach and arms and limbs and hands and feet and ribcage and brain and EVERYTHING !!!!!!!!! all of my body feels like shaking but if i shake my hands or anythign i just feel worse... if anyone knows how to help PLEASE Lmk ive been absolutely DYING lately Oh god.

apart from that, this week has been overall pretty good !! taken a bunch of silly photos, AND i gotr a 95 on a spanish quiz (92 on the writing section...) and 100 ON THE VERB QUIZ !!!!!!!!!!!!! i was So HAPPY Omg i felt like Exploding !!!! in a Good way tho (:

i have pe today. im hoping its Fun because pe on tuesday was Supes Exciting !! i love holding heavy things and moving heavy things it is So Much Fun it makes me feel so STRONG and POWERFUL !!!!! i was so sore for the next couple of days but Ngl soreness is kinda a Yummy pain... anyways gotta head 2 pe v soon so toodles !!

Mk so i am ACTUALLY Editing this from math class Lol ! luckily we rnt actually doign any math (had a quiz and now its a work day for some problem set or whatever) so i can Basiclally do whatever i want ! legit have like No hw other than like. Studying ig ??? idk not even that ngl. had most of my quizzes already Sooo

Anyways !! today was SO SILLY Me n a few friends just basically drew Cats on the whiteboard during lunch win Whatever LOLOL it was SO SILLY FUN I'll see if i can upload a Pic !

Ermmm idk what else there is to say. my sandwich was UBER Yum today tho !! supes fun idk. im really sleepy and i need to SHOWER WASH MY HAIR 2day kinda Not excited but i know ill feel better. Gonna hurt my legs tho Ouchie !! Whatevz theyll heal faster. Anyways see U l8r !!

wowza a ton has happened today !! first off (and my most proudest ngl) i got a site 2 link 2 me !!! which is more of a thing on their part (thank u zendo !) btu still i think its pretty Neat !! gotta work on making a Cooler button tho because i think itd be fun 2 have ! gotta link back 2 them first tho Lol ! next, i found some pretty neat clubs to join at the Club Fair this year !! saw this one crocheting and knitting club that i am 100% joining because 1- i have ALWAYS wanted to learn how 2 do those and 2- its a social impact club so id be helping my community which is super cool !!

the other ones im thinking of joining are a little less concrete tho... kinda wanna join caffeine and crosswords because i am a Fan of both but also idk if id end up going to the meetings... and then i Could also join jewish student union but Idek what goes on there !! but who knows, maybe ill just do crocheting and knitting so i can have something to do in the mean time and not stretch myself too thin... idk but im super excited !! gotta remember to sign up tho Lol !

lastly, had my first quizzes this week !! spanish quiz was..... Iffy..... but history quiz i think i did alright on ! i was SO scared for it tho omg... legit felt like i was gonna EXPLODE this morning it was SO BAD !!! luckily it ended up alright tho, but eh. anwyays, see u later and happy september first !

been a while since i posted here !! havent been updating this site that much lately (school's been Rough on me lol) but im hoping ill get back into the groove of things soon enough. oh well, whatever happens happens ! anyways, school's been like UNBELIEVABLY boring ngl. luckily the days go by pretty quickly (only 3 classes a day so) and crew has been SO MUCH FUN !!! cant even describe it Omg its So Much Fun !!!

drilling things and making and creating and Tools and omg its just SO MUCH FUN !!!! maybe ill end up doing a Uhhh homes for humanity project ? idk what the one organization is. habitat for humanity maybe >??? Idk what its called Lol ! but its So fun and i CANT WAIT UNTIL WE START PAINTINING !!!! I'm gonna go Bonkers omg. last year the paint soaked thru my shirt and stained my bra underneath it ??? and then it Soaked thru THAT into my skin LOL it was Wild !!!

anyways i just cut my hair today yay !!! its been like a few months since i last did and ive been meaning to for a while so im glad i got to it. chopped a good inch or two off and i feel So Much Lighter ! anyways im gonna work on some other parts of my site, toodles !!

well it was deffo a wild ride !! not as bad as i was expecting but still that was Wilddd. felt so weird having my phone out after classes tho. and having lunch somewhere Not in the cafeteria... might start bringing my own lunch ngl because that was a ton of Wasteddd time just waiting for the line to move faster. plus i LOVE a good sandwich (turkey and cheese with mayonnaise on whole grain gf bread is my JAM). other than that, stuff was alright.

history was boring (obvi) but what else is new. then math was. Stressful !!! probz deffo gonna drop out because Hoo Boy i am NOT built for complex problems and stuff Lol ! then study hall was Fun, just did some math homework and sat with toes n stuff. fun ! and then crew was SUPER FUN !!! we got to go up to the theatre catwalk and almost up to the roof and stuff it was Wilddd !!!! wish panaini coulda been there but ): not gonna happen.... other wise crew is gonna b so fun this year !!! only 3 of us in the class including me so yuhhh excited 2 get into it !!

still pretty worried for tomorrow and friday tho.... have english and spanish 2morrow (and pe but) and then on friday i hav PHYSICS and HISTORY and MATH..... gonna be one hell of a day..... wish me luck Once again !!!!

essentially Nothing is really turning out right. no one i know (like evn at all or a teensy weensy bit) is in my advisory ! Yyyyyyippee !! toes and i are also in No classes together and i dont think any of the new kids r gonna end up being my new bestie or anything :( . also i get sooo sleepy when i get back home and none of the academics have even started ???? so im hoping that gets better but knowing last year, it probably wont...

just holding onto the hope that my teachers and classes are good. not sure how thatll happen btu oh well, we'll see ! tomorrow's gonna b so stressful though i legit dunno how im gonna survive. Oh Well !! We'll deal but goodness am i stressd and worried and just Not excited !!!!

welp. school is gonna be like this until may so i better get used to it. whatver, gonna go listen 2 so Ilysm Rap and try to relax and wind down. wish me ouck 4 tomorrow Lol !!

i have 2 be at school at 9 am 2morrow whoch means i have 2 get up at SEVEN. i woke up at 8 today and i COULD NOT TAKE IT FAM OMG..... this week is gonna be rough. i also get my advisory tomorrow and im PRAYING WITH EVERYTHING IN ME that i get someone who i already know in my advisory. otherwise its going to be One Long Year !!! but who knows, maybe ill make some new friends ! i hope i will anyways but idk. my advisor (or who i Think is my advisor) seems pretty nice tho so thats good !!

in other news, i have legit run out of ideas on what2 add 2 my website. idk what 2 do next and its KILLING ME because im having SO MUCH FUN and i Just got supporter ): hoping i can think of something (maybe ill ask chatgpt for ideas Lol) but idk. might end up scrolling thru neocities seeing what other people have on their website 2 see what i could add. probz the best idea ngl, but idk if i have time 2day. gotta eat dinner and then i probabky have 2 go 2 bed at like 9:30 because I Need My Beauty Sleep !!! but oh well. i hope i dont end up losing interest in coding and neocities in general because ive had just the most fun editing and making this website come alive !!

and adding on 2 last post's doll updates, I THINK THE ABBEY DOLL IS MY NEW FAVE. SHE IS SO GREAT 2 POSE AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HER FACE AND HAIR AND HORNS AND BODY AND EVERYTHING BOUT HER ITS JUST LEGIT AMAING OMG !!!! and 2 think i was about to not get her Lol. anyways, Wish me luck 2morrow and Toodles !!

TODAY HAS BEEN SO WEIRDDD OMG !!! started off pretty Awful with me thinking i was Unable 2 have Fun and continue with my Plans 4 the day (Check orange fish blog 4 THAT story !!) BUT IT ENDED UP BEING SUCH A FUN DAYY OMGGG !!!!

ended up meeting with panini and buying some Stuff @ barnes and noble ! which was supes fun and then we went to TARGET andi got SOME COOL DOLLS !!! got the lagoona fearidescent skulltimate secrets ANDDDD THE ABBEY BOMINABLE DOLL !!!! ABSOLYTELY EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED I WAS SOOOO HAPPY !!! and then i got an iced chai latte (love !!) and i got a BANANA MILK TEA AND THEN me and panini bought some CHARMS 2 make BRACELETS FOR EACH OTHER !!!! and the ones they made me r SO GORGEOUS OMGGGG I LOVE THEM SOSOOSOSOSOSOOSOSOSO SO MUCH !!! Absolute BESTEST FRIEND i could Ever ask 4 Omg !!! thanks panaini !!!

ill update Abt the dolls L8r when i open them but Yuh ! Stay tuned !!

i start school in One Week exavtly... Yyyikes !!!! at least today should be fun !! it's the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of my ABSOLUTE FAVORITEST AND MOST RELASTABLE SONG EVER, SPLITTER GIRL BY WEEVILDOING !!!!!! absolute FAVE AND BANGER i love it so much its such an amazing song and she's such an amazing character omg... i've been trying 2 draw her for FOREVER but I Actually Dont Know how 2 Draw At All!! so its not going 2 well and it makes me Pretty sad because she deserves to be drawn Sooooo much better omg. but at leastim trying i guess ??? idk but today shouldve been PERFECT as a Last Summer Meet up between panaini and i But i have WORK 2day ): so we cant meet up and its SOOOOO SADDD but at least its still splittergirliversary Sooo thats nice !!

anyways school stuff is NOT LOOKING TOO GOOD..... i got into tech theater (woo!) but i havent heard of any1 who's in my advisory (lists havent been officially posted yet Butttt the website's kinda janky So snooping helps !) and the 1 person i was Kinda hoping 2 be in my advisory isnt !! which is fine hopefully but idk. i hope it gets better but idk what 2 even expect so...

luckily there's a coding club at school (i think !) !! and im DESPERATELY HOPING that its not just 4 peole who already know how 2 code because i Needdd 2 learn javascript and none of the resources online ive found have been helping me ): but if that club will let me join and learn id be ECSTATIC !!!! idk. anywyas im gonna hope and try not 2 worry and just enjoy the splittergirl day !!

today was amnother wildd day ! tho less fun and more just kinda weirdish? idk it was wild. by the time i woke up my fam was out of the house 4 some event id slept thru (which was perf for me) and i had such a BOMB breakfeast (toast with butter, cheese, and salmon with bananas and Icewater !! was lovely) then i rollerskated for a bit. then Uhhh idk ! coded until panini came over, we played minecraft, grabbed boba tea, played minecraft, and Uhhh Idk ! then i rollerskated some more and finally, FINALLY goty the main page looking (and working !) well after adding the sudoku board. which yay !! that was fun and Incredibly annoying and stressful but yaya i hope some peoplee play it !

honestly its midnight rn and i really need some water But like... im so comfy and i dont rly wanna go downstairs and risk waking up the fam.... ughhhh i should get it. hyderate or diedrate after all !!

anyways, school's getting ever so close and i still Havent done anything 2 get ready 4 it ! or i guess most things. ive read the summer book and gotten all my textbooks (i think...) but i dont have any unifoprm items (LOST ALL MY SHIRTS ???) and idk what school supplies im supposd 2 get !! also havent watched the movie im apparently supposed 2 but its oik, ill watch it when we get the discussion questions. kinda excited ngl, it seems pretty cool ! called encounters at the end of the world, its a documentary about life on antarctica i think ?? and everyone ive heard talk about it says it was rly good, so hopefully i enjoy it ! cant say the same 4 the summer BOPOK tho... idk im hoping ill get mopre out of it when we talk about it in english class eventually but Oh well, ill jjust have 2 suffer until then Lol. anyways toodles ! im gonna grab a Botrtle ofg Water Mmmmmmm

DANG TROPDAY WAS SO MUCH FUN !! i ended up deepcleaning my desk (and yikes theree was SO much dust it was crazyyy) because i got a new KEYBOPARTD and its bluetooth connected 2 my laptop. The only downside about it are the fact that some of the keys are in different places than im used to. which is kinda obvious and im deffo going 2 get used to. legit just changed my cursor to some bottom cursor instead of the horizontal one and COULDNT FIGUYRE OUT HOW 2 FIX IT buit a Quick google search told me it was Insert. its right above my back button (which i use a TON lol) so i guess my yhand keeps slipping. same as the prtscrn button, i keep accidentally clicking on that instead of backspace. which r all kinda annoyinh issues but OMG ITS SO MUCH FUN 2 HAVE A SEPARATE KEYBOARD !! kinda makes me feel Lame but omg its just. Its juist really fun ! pl;us ive convinced myself that itll help with my Horrendous posture (it probably wont...) but itll be fiune. just happuy 2 have it ngl.

anyways, i also watched the BRAND NEW gran turismo movie today !! ive watched like 3 movies in the past week but i hopnestly think this one was my FAVE !! i cried so much anmd at one point panini asked me i needed 2 Leave the theater LOLOL buit it was all good !!! highly amazing and 110% recommend watching. id never heard of it b4 today (game Or movie) and i was very suprised by hopw much i liked it !! maybe it has something to do with how much Character jann had. Or maybe im just a sucker 4 movies that get me emotional. or maybe because he was an EPIC GAMER PRO but idk !! just rly liked the movie and it was Fab !

and 1 last thing that happened 2day: i changedd my phone language to spanish ! which will Hopefully end up helping me because ive gotten CONFIRMATION that im gonna b in enriched spanish this year.... Yikes !! hopefully i hjave Fab people in my class and a good teacher, but i guess thats what i want for all my classes... oh well ! its been an awesome day, and i hope yours has been too ! toodles !!

ok so i had Some blank space off to the left on my main page and i was like 'Huh i should put a game there' and so i DID and i really like sudoku so i decided that would b lovely ! panini said they didnt think neocities users would play sudoku but Oh well, this site's more for me anyways LOLOL

also, if anyone stopping by here is bilingual, HOW DO YALL DO IT ??? ive grown up with russian spoken in my household quite frequently, and i CANT TALK IT AT ALL. it makes me so sad but Omg if yall have any tips on how to work on your pronunciation, please let me know in the chatbox on the main page !!!! im Suffering and im soo scared 2 talk 2 anyone in russian because first off, i SUCK at it, and second.... well russian isnt exactly very Popular rn (for obvious reasons lol). and its not even just russian, im apparently going to be in an enriched spanish class this year at school and Oh God im worried about it !! i was pretty good at it in class last year but... Yikes im worried. hopefully ill be good at it tho ! if not ill try Super hard 2 because i loveee learning languages omg. ok Byeee

yesteeday was so much fun !!! got 2 meet up with toes after not seeing them for AGESSSSS (2 months)!! also Pnaini was tehre and we all saw barbie which i was SUPES excited for but unfortunately i didnt like it as much as i wanted ): . it was a Spectacular movie but Idk it felt very. Like idk it was a fun movie but Idk why it was pg13 ! and the 'jokes' that made it so werent Rly that sillycoded so Idk ! but yass yesterday was so fun ! also ended up seeing Quite a few people from school which was BONKERS honestly LOLOL. also got a Little treat and it was overall a great day ! got an ear infection a few days ago and its getting Sooo much better which im V happy about !!

also started using my typewriter more and continuing about Christ ! none of yall know who she is which is Deffo a good thing ! might end up putting that manuscript up here 4 someone 2 read but Idk its kinda awfulll and idk if i want people seeing it LOLOL. anyways Toodles !

I UNBOXED 3 DOLLS 2DAY !!!!!!!! I AM IN LOEV WITH THEM ALL OMG. FINALLY got frankie and draculaura's skulltimate secret fearidescent versions !! wanted them as soon as they came out and FINALLYTYYYYY bought them 2day !!! restyled my frankie and havent gotten around 2 drac yet. ALSO got the monster ball drac !!! AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH OMG SHES SO PRECIOUS SHES SHES SHES SO OMGGGGGG I KIEV EHR i love them ALL omg !!!!! anyways GONNA GO BACK 2 GAMING RN YASS

THESE BUTTONS ARE CAUSING ME IMMENSE PAIN. 1st off they dont even look that good and i dont even know if i still want them but i feel like theyd b kinda cool 2 see and a nice addition 2 this page ! but oh goodness, i Dont know why they wont stay after reloading !!! still, thank god for chatgpt (IDK HOW 2 USE JAVASCRIPT AND I NEED 2 LEARN.....) bcuz idk how else i would have been able 2 code this. might end up taking a Real coding course online or smth soon so this stuff is easier because Oh Lord is it Not going great rn !!

anyways, please b patient with the ugly, unfunctional reactions LOL

working on decorating !! will probablyyy (HOPEFULLY LOLOL) change the current side borders bcuz theyre cuteee but not exactly what im looking 4, just a placeholder for now ! might add a commentbox (if i can get paniani 2 tell me how LOLOL) but also idk if its worth the trouble honestly.. might try and add little reactio buttons tho ! i think thatd be cute ❤

and gosh i have 2 go 2 work tomorrow... nuts !! hope it wont make me toooo sleepy haha. toodles !

honeslty this website is just a lil thing 4 me to have fun with ! i got bored over the summer and decided 'hm i guess ill ask paniin how 2 make a neocity' and i did and oh BOY am i glad i did cuz ive had SO MUCH FUN. plus it makes me feel better to jsut ramble and feel like those ramblings Might be read by someone even tho i know theyll probably not be Lol. its also just fun 2 code and ive learned so much ! even if most of it WAS learned from chatgpt tho...

thanks 4 reading, more 2 come!

yaya zaza i figured out how 2 blog kinda !!! took me a While and the formatting is still Kinda ugly but ehh ill deal 4 now Lol!

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